I used to throw my eldest two children elaborate birthday parties. Their birthdays are only 10 days apart, so they shared them, and I could invite their friends all to the same party. They had the superhero bowling party, the pirate party, the bouncy house party, the glamorous photos and dance party, and the trail hiking party, among others. They loved them all, and I enjoyed planning them, even though their birthdays are in March where a nice outdoor event is left up to Mother Nature. It seemed the thing to do–all of their friends had big parties, and that meant they should have them, too.
But somewhere between their childhood and the birth of my little one, L.V., 10 years later, I began to suffer from anxiety. Too many people crowded into one room sounded like my worst nightmare. Having to commit to leaving the house on a given day also topped my list of horrors.
So my youngest child has never had a birthday party. Well, okay, a birthday party, but a small, cake-at-home party with just a few close relatives. Each year since L.V. has been in preschool, we’ve been invited to big, elaborate birthday parties of friends, but until this year, we’ve never managed to throw one. There was the year L.V. was sick. And the year my brother had cancer. The year my mom had radiation treatments every day of December. A big birthday party with lots of peopling was just not in the cards, nor was the added expense during the month of Christmas.
But I always felt guilty about it. I shouldn’t, I know, because we still had cake, but I felt guilty that L.V. didn’t get to invite a group of friends, and that other parents managed to do this with busy jobs. I felt like my own shortcomings were short-changing our youngest.
Little did I know L.V. was set on having a party this year. I came home one night from helping my mother to find out L.V. had made of list of things that should happen during a birthday party. When I say there was a list, I mean there was a convoluted task chart that included puppies, “balloons you don’t even have to ask for,” arts and crafts, and so on and so forth. My mind floundered as I tried to come up with some kind of MSPCA party that could revolve around puppies and not end with me either having an anxiety attack or bringing one home.
I researched farms and pet stores, halls that would allow pets. I even considered a local park, even though the weather in MA in December and January is fairly unpredictable. I began to grumble every time I saw a little envelope come home, inviting L.V. to another party, thus reminding my one-track-mind child that a party was overdue. The list of impossible demands got bigger, and I felt like I was an inferior parent, because all of these other parents seemed to be able to meet their children’s party requirements.
And then we got the invite to Plaster Fun Time. L.V.’s friend sent the invite, and while one part of me dreaded the inevitable conversation with my child about where their party would be this year, I thought an hour at a ceramics place might be fun.
It was bliss. The kids painted. The party coordinators let them pick out their ceramic piece and start painting, and as they were engrossed in making their piece perfection (to a six year old’s aesthetic) parents could sit back and relax. When they finished, they got to take home their ceramic piece in a flat tray with a balloon attached. The balloon made a light bulb go off in my head. L.V. had painted…wait for it…a puppy. This was a party with puppies, balloons you didn’t have to ask for, and arts and crafts. And I didn’t have to have it at a farm in the dead of winter.
I mentioned it to another parent, who informed me how crazy parties had become, and how this easy, relaxed party was so much less stressful. How she wished she could just have a party at home, because the big parties were so expensive, and it was tough to “keep up with the Joneses.”
Sometimes, a child’s expectations are far more manageable than they seem, and it only takes an altering of your perspective to realize you don’t need elaborate parties with real puppies. We’ll give L.V. a party at the local painting place, and it will include puppies, and arts and crafts, and balloons. But I’m no longer going to feel guilty if the next one is at home.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Profivideos on Pixabay
