Every morning I slid out of bed, grabbed my decaf, and paused with a book. I wasn’t apprehensive about what book, so anyone I had been reading the week before would do. The book fell open where it was most turned to, and I began to read. My eyes are still blurry from sleep, my mind still foggy from 14-hour days, and my brain is still receptive to input.
I didn’t complain, didn’t look for errors, and didn’t worry about how much I read. I simply opened the book and read. I found myself lingering on chapters I have previously encountered and still found something new to read. Mighty is the mind when used as a tool to gather insight and choose growth.
While on break, my breath work filled my soul. I choose to relearn how to take in oxygen and release the day’s tensions. The gap was needed as I slowly built my hours up to 14, and sometimes, I felt overwhelmed. I’d remind myself of the end goal: 3000 hours, Pamela. You got this!
Some days are 10 hours, others 12, and a few are 8. Needless to say, most of my work week hits the higher numbers, with over 80 people I am working with in counseling and education. That’s a lot of dirty little feet running through my brain daily.
Breath work helped me release what I could not carry and what was not my burden to engage with outside of the office and reduce secondary trauma. Each time I would pause and inhale, then release after another pause, I felt aglow with gratitude.
My field of work: counseling mental health and addiction clients and the other field of education for those who commit acts of domestic violence, isn’t easy. No one wakes up at 10 years old saying, “I want to work with angry, hurt, violent, and mentally challenged people.”
I discovered today that we are a product of the shadow side of life. The directions we take, the choices we make, the careers, and even the people we date are part of the dark side of us we choose to ignore. While this isn’t to say we are causing distress, our inner person who’s experienced pain and trauma tends to want to stay connected to the trauma.
This continued, repetitive behavior leads to more pain. We beat ourselves up and fill the soul with guilt and shame-based negative self-talk. Instead, if we were to notice a reaction inside of us, we might find a bit of curiosity.
What do I consciously get from this situation, and what do I unconsciously receive?
The shadow side and the light side of us compete for attention. While we live in a world that shuns the shadow, I think we must learn to embrace it and realize we are okay. It’s okay to feel down or have made mistakes. We can gain insight from each step along the path of life we take.
What a powerful thought when we consider the inner person and the outer person. What we put on so others will like us versus what we deep inside what to represent.
My break helped me redirect my thoughts about my work, develop vital self-care-related activities to improve myself intellectually, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and understand my limitations.
Curiosity helps me laugh at my mistakes, enjoy the moment, and live in the present experience without robbing tomorrow of its time. We don’t have never-ending life years, and I learned to accept my person in a new way, whichever direction I take in the future. Today, I am awakening to who I am, and tomorrow I will continue to carry that torch forward.
My morning ritual remains consistent, and my joy continues to grow. I encourage you to find the inner person who wants to show up in authentic ways. Embrace the shadows and keep an open mind. Life in full daylight and from under the trees both provide insight. Maybe your breathwork will open a door you never knew or thought possible.
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This post was previously published on Change Your Mind Change Your Life.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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