Can I Judge a Date by What They’re Wearing?

We went to one of those mini golf places where it’s clear that everyone who’s there is on a first date.

I wanted to be comfortable but also, it was a first date, I wanted to look nice and impress. I usually have a few go-to date outfits, but it’s sometimes hard to find the right mix of dressed-up but not too fancy, especially when doing an activity.

My date turned up and he looked pretty similar to his photos. He was cute, but his hair was a little more scraggly than I was expecting and his beard untrimmed. When he took off his jacket, I will admit I was a little surprised to see he was wearing an old hoodie with sleeves that had been stretched out.

I carried on with the date and tried to put it out of mind, but I couldn’t help but wish he’d put a little more effort in.

I’m definitely no movie star, but I do take the time to get ready for a date. My hair is thick and it took a few hours just to curl it, and then I spent another few hours changing in and out of outfits until I ended up wearing the one I tried on first anyway.

I couldn’t care less if someone is wearing designer, or if their shoes even match their shirt, but I do want to feel like the other person took the time to think about how they look, because I did.

The date went well. He was a really nice guy, the conversation flowed easily, and he even made clear he was interested in a second date. Of course, his outfit wasn’t going to be a deal-breaker, but was I wrong to care about it?

Looks do matter in dating. Attraction can indeed grow but there needs to be some kind of spark at the start for you to want to get to know the person.

Especially in this disposable dating culture we live in, where we can find a new match literally at our fingertips, first impressions are important.

At the same time, I do believe that kindness, having similar values, and qualities like humour go a whole lot further than a piece of fabric.

When I got home later and thought about it more, I questioned whether I was being judgmental.

I thought about how self-conscious I can be with my own appearance, and maybe this was his comfort, go-to outfit just like I had my own.

And maybe this was a good sign—he prioritizes other things in life and clothing just isn’t one of them. In fact, I never liked dating men who cared more about their appearance than I did. I’d also dated men who made me feel inadequate for the way I looked, and I’d never want someone to feel the same.

We lined up a second date and he was wearing a similar outfit again. But this time, I felt at ease with him. Like I could focus less on how I looked and more on whether we had clicked and were compatible. It was refreshing.

We ended up not working out for other reasons, but I was glad I gave it another shot and didn’t discount him for what he was wearing.

It was just a damn hoodie, after all.

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Previously Published on medium

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Photo credit: iStock