This morning it was the eggs.
Yesterday it was the toast.
Last night, it was the bathwater temperature.
I’m not sure when I climbed aboard, but this struggle bus has been on a bumpy road for weeks with no end in sight.
My daughter is 3. I’m aware toddlers have tantrums. I’ve heard the term “threenager,” which I’ve adopted into my vocabulary. She’s in preschool for the typical school day — 8:30 to 2:30 — Monday thru Friday.
So, why am I having such a hard time?
Am I not doing this right?
Maybe I’m not doing this right.
My approach is, for the most part, agreeable. I calmly explain situations.
“I know you love McDonald’s happy meals, and you were so lucky your preschool had them for you today. But we can’t eat McDonald’s every day. We can choose something different today. I know you love PB&J.”
“NO! I Don’t LIKE IT!”
I close my eyes and take a breath.
In the beginning, I imagined picking my battles would be easier. They were easier.
Then she learned to talk.
She learned about preferences. Life comes with an array of options.
She tasted chicken nuggets and french fries.
She’s seen what life has to offer, and she wants it all.
Have I failed her by allowing these luxuries to poison her decisions? Was I wrong to let her play at Fun Factory on a rainy day? Now, when the sun is shining, she doesn’t want to go to the park. She only likes Fun Factory.
“I’m sorry, honey. Fun Factory is fun. But we can’t go there every day.”
Have you ever wrestled a toddler into a car seat?
Let me tell you. Kids are not fragile.
Boarding schools make sense now.
I’d read of and heard of boarding schools.
Once, I considered them an awful way of dumping your child off to be taken care of by someone else while the parent goes off and forgets they ever had a child.
But I’m older now. And I’m an adult parent now. I understand boarding schools on a variety of levels.
Education. Responsibility. Peers.
The school surrounds the students. They live in their school. The stress of having to wake up early, get ready, sit in traffic, and possibly be late for school is whisked away and left with only the responsibility of waking up on time.
They live with their peers. And, having been a former kid, you don’t want to be the one messing up. You can’t escape to your room at home. Your peers are constantly around you.
When the students go home for holidays or weekends, they appreciate home and family.
The world becomes much larger.
Reputations are built.
Do toddlers need reputations?
Was staying at home the right thing to do?
“You’re so lucky to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom.”
A long-ago normal status is now a symbol of wealth — of sorts. The opportunity to stay home was more of a necessity as daycare was more expensive than any paycheck I would get.
Now, I stay at home full-time, take care of the household upkeeps, and keep up with our daughter.
My daughter is always around me. I’m not a pushover, but I’m also not a tyrant. She pushes, I — sometimes — push back.
I raise my voice. She cries.
Is it her being the only child?
Does she need a sibling to really send it home that the world does not revolve around her?
It seems drastic to bring another human into the world just to teach a three-year-old a lesson.
But, drastic times call for drastic measures.
This too shall pass
At the end of the day — after countless tantrums and power struggles — I lay in bed with a movie playing and my daughter’s eyes fixed to the screen.
Her warm body and gentle weight feel comforting. She rests her tiny hand on my arm.
Our little world is enveloped on the bed at this moment.
I take a breath.
The world doesn’t have to be bigger than her.
At least not yet.
Boarding schools aren’t for toddlers.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash