ME: Roz did a story on a woman who was tired of getting duds through online dating, so the woman, who is very data-oriented—
DEB: Oh, you mean like Linda and Carol? (my ex-wife and her wife; we spent time with them during our visit to Florida in January/February) Sorry, continue.
ME: Um, anyway, the woman did a spreadsheet of all the qualities she was looking for in a partner. Then weighted them. And made some of them deal breakers. So I was reminded of your list, which was similar, but shorter.
DEB: How long was hers?
ME: Seventy-two. Yours is shorter.
DEB: Really!
ME: Um, yes.
Deb made her list before she met me. Bill, her ex-husband,¹ strongly suggested it, because otherwise how would she know when met the right guy? And then a few months later I showed up at her company.
ME: Also, the guy had to not freak out when he was finally shown the list. He didn’t, he just thought it was really weird that the list described him perfectly. I don’t remember freaking out when you showed me your list, I thought it was cute. Plus I hit all the bullet points, so I thought it was a win.
DEB: Definitely!
ME: So why do you think that Linda and Carol are data-oriented?
DEB: (gives me That Look) Okay, you wouldn’t think so, but those two track all kinds of things we don’t.
ME: I have quarterly reports on our household finances!
DEB: And I appreciate that, especially with the market as it is now, but they take it to a whole different level.
ME: Oh, and also, the woman with the spreadsheet turned her experience into a book, with input from her now-husband. Roz points out that for a writer, that’s a double win.
DEB: I can definitely see that!
In the remarks to Roz’s story, Ann Litts said she had a list, and met the man who fulfilled it… only to find that The Universe did not realize that “not alcoholic” and “not verbally abusive” were clearly implied, if not specifically stated. I replied that I had the same sort of thing.
My first wife fit my list. Perfectly. Very smart, understood my sense of humor, affectionate.
Then, like you, The Universe displayed its tacky sense of humor.
AND STRAIGHT! HELLO?! CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD FROM CONTEXT! 🤬
Stupid Universe!
Doing much better on the second try! 😊
…
¹Bill and Deb got married fairly young. Bill didn’t realize he was gay until he had been married to Deb a few years, and they divorced not long after. After Deb had been single awhile, she got in touch with her old best friend, and they did things like travel together. She was afraid to tell me about the friendship at first, afraid I would think it was odd; then I told her about my first marriage to my best friend who was also very gay. (We found a number of things to bond over when we started to get to know each other.)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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