Men with Large Calves

Men with Large Calves

It happened after an argument –something about
a visit from his mother –he shot himself as he
sat in his den after his wife went to work and he
sat there until the end of her shift. He waited
while she took off her coat and waited while she
peed and poured herself a coke then explained what
he’d done. And now it’s coming back: he didn’t
stay home the whole time: At a quarter past nine
he came into the bar all humble Mr. Nice Guy
as was his wont after fights with his wife, especially
ones he lost, which almost never failed to win
a modicum of sympathy –he was nothing if
not sympathetic. So we greeted him and he hobbled
around in false-modest old age. Said he had to
call his primary care provider but the line
was busy so he slid into a booth for a smoke
and quiet conversation, a little high, a little happy
teasing the waitress by sticking his leg out
to trip her or beckoning with the long crook
of an index finger turning it over and reaching out
as though he were about to pluck a nipple
through uniform and bra. He was fond of calling
women’s nipples “little bunny noses.” We
generally forgave these crudities –done with
such innocent humor. We could see the little
round Band-Aids on his temple. We thought
he must’ve scratched himself. Then he was gone
without anyone seeing him leave. He always
said he’d come back as a woman in his next life
so he could fool around to his heart’s content.
According to legend he changed the Band-Aid
before his wife got home, convinced her it wasn’t
an emergency, tried to call his doctor one last time
went to bed and failed to appear at breakfast.