I had never heard of ‘Chills’ prior to about two years ago. Think of a rave. A big outdoor music festival with electronic dance music; throngs of people in sexy costumes dancing and doing Molly (MDMA); and that loving, sexy vibe as you party all night.
Now take away the outdoors part; and take away the mud and the massive crowd. Replace it with an intimate room with nice lighting, a small dance floor, massage tables, a dozen or so of your closest friends. That’s a chill. A rave, but a little more… well… chill.
We learned about chills just before the pandemic. Friends, who used to be ravers, invited us to one they were hosting. They didn’t really tell us much about it, but said we would love it. Their only instructions to us — show up at their place at 6pm the coming Saturday, pack some sexy outfits and lingerie, and be prepared to spend the night (code — make sure you arrange all night babysitting lol).
We did as we were told, and arrived at their place at just after 6 on Saturday. Our friends lived in a huge old victorian home that had been converted into condos. They had the main floor — gorgeous high ceilings, 100 year old crown molding, huge windows overlooking the river. It was a very opulent place.
When we arrived, everyone was in the dining room having a glass of prosecco and nibbling at a charcuterie board. It was last February, and the first rumblings of covid were starting, so people were chatting about that. There were 4 couples, plus our friends. They were all close, having know each other for years and done lots of these types of parties before. We were the newbies, so they explained what a chill was all about.
Here is how they explained it. They all used to go to raves together. They loved getting high on ecstasy or molly, dancing, flirting — the sexy vibe. And after a rave, they would usually return to someone’s hotel room and chill out — cuddle, chat, come down a little. They describe it as a “rave and then a chill”.
As they got older, they said they found the raves a little too intense. They felt they were getting a little too old for those huge crowds at raves, and they felt they wanted something a little mellower. They said they wanted more ‘chill’ and less ‘rave’.
So a chill was born. It’s hosted at someone’s home. There is a large room set up with what they called ‘soft rave lighting’.. so blues and reds and purples, but at light, soft settings. Pillows and fur blankets are spread over half of the room. The rest of the room has a small DJ area, a small dance floor, a couple massage tables and a small bar. Some of their friends had a room permanently set up like this in their homes — the ‘hard core’ chillers. For our friends, at their place, it was just their living room converted for the night. And, in their particular case, they had a loft on their third floor with a skylight. They laid blankets out up there and invited people to use it to just hang out and look at the stars if they wanted.
As the chill starts, everyone changes into their ‘kits’ — sexy outfits; usually lingerie of some sort for the women, and boxers or sometimes sexy costumes for the men. Everyone takes some molly; this isn’t required, of course, but it certainly adds to the experience. And they move into the chill room.
There are a few core activities and a few rules. First the rules. Number one, there is no sex or nudity. This is the most important one. A chill is not an orgy or a sex party and most people there are not in the swinging lifestyle. If you want to have sex you can go elsehwere in the house, but this is rare.. and not the scene they are seeking to create. Secondly, there is a general rule around staying chill. This is pretty intuitive on Molly, but they vibe they go for is a little mellow and low-key romantic than it is ‘party’. There is lots of dancing and EDM and such, but its mellow… ‘chill’.
And the core activites — dancing, cuddling, massaging, chatting, making out (but remember.. no sex or nudity). It sounds a little bohemian, and it is.
So, having explained the basics to us, it was time to get started. We all did a bit of M, topped up our prosecco and headed into the chill room. I won’t do a blow-by-blow account, but some of the main things that stuck with me:
The Characters
The first couple — aside from our close friends who were hosting — that we met was a an extremely attractive pair. This sort of party was so perfect for them – for their different tastes. He was this body builder, hyper-gragarious guy. He didn’t leave the dance floor all night. He danced, in his little leopard skin boxers, and talked almost non stop about how, at his age, could anyone believe how fit he was and how he could go all night. And his wife — also gorgeous – was quiet and liked to cuddle, kiss and have intimate and personal conversations. Chills were, for them, an amazing way for them to experiences the very different forms of indulgence each of them wanted. They did parties like this very regularly. They were very happily married. And, without experiences like this, I could see the huge differences between them becoming sources of tension. But, at these parties, they each gave one another the space to indulge in their own thing.
Massages
Massages. This was luxurious. Being a little high on molly and not being in a vibe where sex was an objective, its hard to describe how luxurious it is to both get a long massage with mulitple hands all over you. And, equally luxurious, receiving one.
And one guy. He spent at least 3 hours at the massage table. Rubbing down anyone — guy or girl — who would hop on his table. For him, it was the ultimate relaxation and escape from his day-to-day.
The discussions
Intimate dicussions. My wife and I were not ravers, and we’ve only done M a handful of times. And, each of these times, it was either one our own or with our closest friends. Doing it with these newer friends — the hosts — and with brand new friends, was a really cool experience. To be clear — this is probably not specific to a chill, but is more the effect of M — it was really fun to have long intimate conversations with people, snuggled together almost naked. What an amazing way to get to know people. I heard all about our friend’s childhood. Another woman there told us about how she emerged from being pretty non-sexual, into a hyper sexual person. Another was considering a huge career change and was having a bit of an existential crisis. Amazing conversations with people you feel so incredibly close with. To be clear, some of this is the drugs. But, as you will appreciate as you look into the therapeutic applications of molly, there is a sincerity underlying it — but that is a discussion for another time.
The absence of sex
I thought it might be odd, being in sexy clothing and cuddling and making out on fur blankets, and then not having sex. It was a little odd. But only a little. As soon as you wrapped your head around it, the other forms of physical and emotional intimacy more than compensated for the absence of sex.
For my wife
For me, this was an unabashed excellent experience. I loved the vibe, the intimacy and the slow flow of the evening. My wife really enjoyed it too, but maybe not quite as much as me. She liked all those elements I listed. But for her, maybe because she’s a slightly more practical person than me, she was not as over-the-top impressed. While I found the people really interesting, she was more in the fence. Our friends — the hosts — she loved. The others the found a little less interesting — she didn’t really want a 45 minute chat on a strangers potential career change… she felt it brought her down a bit. The low-grade sexy vibe — I think that, as an attractive woman, she felt she got a little more attention than she really wanted. Not threatening, but a little more than she wanted, from people she wasn’t overly attracted to. I totally get that… an event like this is easier for a guy. But, to be clear, she really liked it and would love to do it again. Maybe with a different mix of people.
We ended up staying until about 3am and then deciding to wind down and head home. We’re not huge drug users, so we didn’t really want to take more, and didn’t want the rest of the weekend written off. We have kids — the others there did not. So, while the others ‘re-upped’ on the drugs, we decided to wind down. But, all in all in all, it was an amazing experience.
Its amazing, the new experiences you can find in life. For us, we’re pretty regular people and this feels like as pretty cool discovery. Not something we would get into every weekend, but as nice indulgence every once in a while. And, as we come out of the pandemic, couldn’t we all use some nice, new indulgences.
—
This post was previously published on Medium.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash