Holidays are a time that we expect to have good feelings. Every Christmas song talks about comfort, joyful and merry experiences. The lights are bright, people are a bit kinder and we all try to foster the spirit of the Holidays.
However, we have been experiencing an ongoing trauma that seem to be going back into full swing just in time for Christmas and New Year. For many of us, we are feeling the fatigue of the Pandemic. We keep longing for some sign of normalcy or some resemblance of the years we knew in the past before we were social-distancing, wearing masks and dealing with an economic downturn.
For some, we want the Holidays to distract us from everything that has been happening and feel like the holidays we have known.
But, for others, that’s not quite as easy as it sounds.
The Pandemic has brought with it isolation, loss of those close to us, living in a constant state of survival (hypervigilance) and for some, job loss, homelessness and emotional upheaval. Even those who have been directly affected can feel some guilt about what has happened to those around them. We have all had to radically change how we live, work and our expectations of safety in many areas of our life such as financially and physically.
Those who experienced illness and survived may have a new understanding of the fragility of life and may find celebrating the season a reminder of what they have just been through.
The important thing is whatever you are experiencing that you don’t try to push it down and move forward in celebrating the holiday. If you feel sad or are grieving a loss, let it be known that you are experiencing a hard time during the holidays. If you can’t participate, it should be accepted even if not understood.
Do not be afraid to speak with someone either a loved one or a therapist if you are struggling during this time.
If you are experiencing financial difficulty, do not try to put yourself in debt to create a happy holiday. This will lead to more emotional pain in the near future. Instead, perhaps devise a plan to either have a more affordable celebration by having a Potluck or gift exchange which allows people to limit their spending.
If you have concerns about Covid, limit your celebration or forgo having one at all.
Find a solution that takes the pressure off of you and your family as everyone is dealing with so much already due to the Pandemic among other concurrent issues.
If you have lost family members, you may feel their absence at the annual celebration. Their “not being there” may be palpable and not easy to overlook. It’s normal. You don’t have to act like you are ready to move on. You can acknowledge your family member by having a tribute to them, such as lighting a candle or displaying their pictures. You have to find the best way that feels respectful to you and your family. Be sure to communicate your plans to other family members and make sure they agree so they aren’t blindsided. People handle grief in different ways.
Whatever it is you feel, acknowledge your feelings and find a way to celebrate the holidays that doesn’t negate your grief. Be compassionate towards yourself and others. Just as our whole way of live has changed over the past three years, it’s okay to change or postpone a tradition until everyone feels they can still have a good time without mixed feelings.
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