Clear Signs You Are Just a Plaything

A plaything is an option, a placeholder, the kind of person who is easily replaced and may be quickly forgotten. If you are in the market for a serious relationship, you must weed out those who are stringing you along and wasting your time — the sooner the better.

If someone is truly serious about you, these things would never happen.

…

You don’t have a title

If they still refer to you as a friend or they awkwardly stumble to find the right words to describe what is happening between you, consider it a red flag.

When someone is clear about who you are to them, you have a title. They call you their girlfriend, their boo, their sweetheart, their person, their date. The title doesn’t matter and it may change, but you definitely have one — and it isn’t “friend”.

And that title makes it clear that you are in a romantic relationship with them.

And they don’t hesitate to use it.

…

You are left wondering

If you don’t know when you will see them or hear from them next, you are likely spending a lot of time wondering. Which is never a good sign.

Someone who is serious about you will establish a pattern, like calling every day or spending every Friday night with you.

It will be clear that you will go to game night together every Tuesday, or see each other every weekend.

If you don’t know what your person is doing during the week, and whether it will include you, either you have a major communication issue or the person is keeping you as an option and not a priority.

…

You don’t know where you stand.

If it’s been a while and you don’t know where you stand, it’s time to ask some serious questions.

Get clarity from your person about how they feel about you, what their intentions are, and what they are thinking when they are gazing at you in those romantic moments.

If they sidestep these questions, it’s very likely that you are not the only one in the picture, or they don’t see you in their future in a meaningful way. Let’s face, they know the answer.

If you don’t know where you stand, you aren’t at the front of the line.

Someone, or something, is ahead of you and that person or thing will always have primary control over the person’s time, energy and attention.

Everything behind the #1 priority are options to fill extra time — if it’s convenient or of interest to them.

You will always know where you stand with someone who is serious about you.

They may not use their words, but their actions will make the words unnecessary. But it’s always good to hear the words too.

…

They are not additive to your life

They may show minimal interest in your life, work, hobbies and pursuits, but they don’t contribute to supporting you with the things that are most important to you.

They aren’t interested in helping you become successful in your quests, or living your best life. I’ve dated men who gave me fantastic article ideas and helped me develop my thoughts for stories I was working on, or who gave me valuable feedback on my writing.

I’ve had others who walked into my house, saw something that needed to be fixed or taken care of (even as simple as taking the trash out) and jumped on it.

If a man sees you as a plaything, they don’t care if you are living your best life, achieving your goals, working toward your dreams, staying in good health, advancing your skills or your career. It won’t matter to them.

Be with someone who wants to help you live your best life by being part of that process.

If you feel alone in your journey in life, change who you are traveling with.

…

It drags on

Taking things slow is smart. But if your person insists on dragging that stage out for more than a couple of months, it either means they are still dating other people, aren’t sure about you yet, or have no intention of committing to you.

They may be using you as backup, companionship, or entertainment. In my experience, a person knows pretty quickly whether they want to lock things down with you or not.

They know whether they want to risk losing you to someone else.

If your person isn’t sure about you, go find someone who is.

…

They bail easily

Someone who has legit feelings for you will fight to keep you and make a relationship work, especially in the early stages as you are still figuring each other out and working out the kinks.

If you convey that you are hurt by something they did and they respond by bailing on you instead of apologizing and making right, you are either dealing with a narcissist or someone who finds you super replaceable.

We have a culture of replace, not fix, and nowhere has that been more damaging than in relationships.

A person may be baffled on how to fix it, but if they are serious about you, they will convey a desire to keep you.

…