1. “Sorry I’m just now getting back to you…”
I’ve been putting you off for as long as I can. Hopefully it’s been long enough so you’ve forgotten what you asked me for, you’ve reached out to someone else, or it’s too late for me to be of any help.
2. “TLDR…”
This isn’t an email I’m sending you, it’s a novel.
I know you won’t read the whole email, so it’s pointless to even send the entire thing — but for some reason I’m sending it anyways.
3. “Hey, just left you a voicemail, slack, gchat, ichat, and carrier pigeon…”
My record for a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle is 3 hours, 5 minutes, and 27 seconds
4. “i need this done by Thursday”
I read somewhere that this is how CEO’s send emails. So as a project manager working my way up the corporate ladder, that’s what I’m going to start doing too. If a CEO can do it, why can’t I??
5. “Hey! Happy Tuesday! How are things? Hope you’re doing well and staying motivated. All is well on my end, taking some time to relax and focus on taking care of myself. Which is something we should all do more of, right? I saw you in the hall the other day and wanted to come and say hi, but didn’t for some reason, so just wanted to shoot you a quick email…”
I was neglected as a child and need a friend
6. “Just checking-in to see if you got the email I sent 5 minutes ago…”
I’m working on my insecurities in therapy
7. “Happy Not-Friday!…”
Do people talk behind my back at the office?
Yes. Yes they do
8. Heyoooh!!! Whoo! Ok, so here’s the plan…
I drink 3 cups of coffee before I even open my laptop. And if you find yourself at the gym next to me on the treadmill, even if I’m smiling at you, we’re still racing
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This post was previously published on The Haven.
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