Compatibility Is More Important Than You Think

Back in school, the only thing that I looked for in a girl was whether I liked her. As I’m getting older, I realize that there are so many more aspects of a person to consider when picking a long-term partner. So often, the person who made me blush turned out to be an alien. We would awkwardly stare into the air when alone because we were from different planets. Other times I simply didn’t understand how they operate or what was going on in their minds, and vice versa.

Without compatibility, you’re wasting your time with someone with whom you aren’t in sync.

Is there something you are both passionate about?

Common interests make the difference between forced conversations and Rocketship to happily ever after. While you two discuss your favorite rock band over coffee, you feel the urge to spend the next week debating which one of their albums was the best. Not only is this type of chemistry crucial at the beginning of connecting, but it’s even more important once you guys share lives together. A pretty face can’t dodge wrinkles. No amount of money satisfies the way that a companion who understands you can.

So if there are absolutely no common denominators between you two, try finding something you can both enjoy. I picked up golf for that reason so that we can talk about it and play together.

Lifestyle discrepancies create many problems

Imagine living together and your spouse wakes up at 5:00 A.M. while you go to bed at 3:00 A.M. Stable personalities and free souls will have to compromise. Extroverts and introverts can complement each other, yet if one wants to stay in for a private anniversary dinner while the other one wants to hit the city, satisfying both parties will always be a headache.

Obviously, you can do your best to adjust to your partner, but why do that when there’s someone else who already has a similar lifestyle?

Do your outlooks towards the world align?

My ex insisted on getting a college degree just in case entrepreneurship doesn’t work out. She can go with her backup plan. Plan B’s existence means that plan A won’t be executed with full effort.

We argued over this a lot. When you and your partner can’t see eye to eye on many issues, it not only becomes weary but you start sacrificing your values for the sake of the relationship. It’s noble, but at the same time unnecessary. There will be someone who thinks the same way you do.

There shouldn’t be a huge gap in interest level

Until the past couple of years, I’ve never cared much about how much the other person likes me. It was always about how attractive the girl is and whether I measure up to her. Right now, how much someone loves me has become a top priority when searching for potential mates. What’s the point of dating a Selena Gomez if you have to give up your pride and happiness to make sure she’s satisfied?

Their interest level should approximate yours. Otherwise, one will cater too much while the other one feels unfulfilled.

Do you get each other?

There are people whom you’ve known for years and still feel like strangers when getting together. Then there are the ones whom you click with the second you meet them, literally. Like you’ve known them our whole lives.

You need to find someone that understands who you are, and why you behave the way you do so that you can simply be yourself. It’s extremely frustrating explaining to your partner why you prefer taking the subway even though it takes longer to arrive at the intended destination. They can’t comprehend that the train ride is a major part of the experience. After explaining your reasoning perfectly, all they can do is respond with a confused face. This is a route for a dead-end relationship.

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We’re usually preoccupied with the other person’s looks or charisma, overlooking many compatibility factors that make up a healthy, balanced relationship. So look for these signs before making a commitment based on superficial appeal.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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