TASK #13: COUNT ON IT!
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” Unknown
Hey, isn’t this a great year? We have Trump, Nunes, and something called a Gorsuch. And if that isn’t enough, we have taxes! Yeah! The guy that does my taxes called me the other day and hemmed and hawed and said something to the effect that I owed the feds some money this year. 3 GRAND! 3 grand is a used Hundai, or a lost weekend in Vegas, or a new septic system. But no–no car or Vegas stripper or septic system for this Joe–it’s going to the IRS.
The older I get the more I fret over money. When I was in my 20s, just starting out, I didn’t give a damn. As long as I had enough money to pay my rent, buy some gas, beer and weed, I was good.
But that changed. Now I own stuff, like a house, and I have kids and such, and I’m always fretting over money. And I never seem to save any money–I have ALWAYS spend what I make, which means that I gotta sell something or give up something to find the money for the IRS, and there’s nothing I really have to sell right now, unless it’s my mother-in-law, but I couldn’t get $30 for her, let alone 3K.
Whether you’re a garbage jockey or a Bombay-sipping office spiff, you probably spend what you make and you don’t know your net worth. That’s not good. The only people who DON’T need to worry about their net worth are batting .310 in the majors or averaging a double-double or selling cocaine. The rest of us–we need to know.
I have a friend who makes 40K a year as a bartender and a DJ. He’s not a DJ like Skrillex–my friend sits in a corner of a bar and plays records, but he does get paid for it. So I went to him and asked him how much he was worth. He looked at me like I was speaking Lithuanian and shrugged. He said he didn’t have anything in the bank and he lived by paycheck to paycheck.
So I said, “let’s see what you’re worth”. We met the next day at his place.
He lives in a modest apartment. Not much in the way of anything…but I found 30 items that are, well: assets. 1) a plasma tv; 2) couch; 3) dvd player; 4) a lava lamp; 5) wood coffee table; 6) Playboy magazine coffee table book; 7) IKEA mirror; 8) 2 drawer filing cabinet that he used as an end table; 9) metal picture frame without a picture in it; 10) an ab roller that has never been used; 11) bed with mattress; 12) another lava lamp. He thinks that they create a seductive atmosphere; 13) laptop computer; 14) iPOD; 15) never-used bowling ball; 16) suitcase; 17) Cleveland Indian Duvet; 18) Cleveland Indian lamp; 19) baseball mitt signed by Jim Thome+, 20) Cleveland Indian poster; 21) an array of comic books; 22) binoculars; 23) coin collection he got from his dad; 24) Darth Vader piggy bank; 25) a banjo that he doesn’t know how to play; 26) X box with 10 games; 27) hoodies, tee-shirts, jeans, underwear and other worthless clothes; 28) alarm clock; 29) baseball bat; 30) Kate Upton poster. He actually had some money in his checking account: $422.12. All of this, plus a 2000 Toyota truck, were his assets.
We listed everything and then went on Craig’s list and Ebay to see what similar items were valued at. Then we totaled it. The was worth almost three thousand dollars. The Toyota: one thousand. All in, he’s worth about $4500.
Find your assets. List them. Put a price against them. Know what you are worth.
Photos by Pictures of Money and Joe Doe