Crucial Questions to Ask Yourself When You Get Attached too Quickly

It’s barely even a month since we started talking but I was ready to say, “I love you”.

I felt like he was all I needed to fill the void inside me. I was ashamed to admit that I used to believe I couldn’t live without him.

That’s what happens when you get attached too soon to someone who isn’t committed to you just yet.

It drives you crazy. To avoid going into the rabbit hole, this is what I highly recommend you do.

Where the attachment issue comes from?

I used to blame it on the guy whenever my anxiety kicks in.

Why? Simply because it’s easier than taking responsibility and working on my own issues.

I didn’t know my daddy issue played a huge role in my dating lifestyle until I was 26 years old. This case isn’t so unique.

Many people suffer in their love life because they don’t want to address the real problem in the first place.

They keep hoping their partner could fix it for them. But when you expect other people to do your job, then it’ll bite you back and create bigger problems.

It’s just how it is.

That’s why the first thing to do when you notice you keep repeating the same mistake is to get to the root of the problem.

Some deep questions to ask yourself:

How did my parents treat me?
Did I ever feel abandoned by them?
Do I truly love this person or is it just because I’m scared of being alone?
Do I know who I am without this person?

Your answers might differ from time to time depending on where you’re mentally. But one thing that I learned during this self-discovery is that it’ll get clearer as time goes by.

So this isn’t a one-time task but more of a constant effort that you need to put in.

I do believe that people will have a better love life when they’re willing to at least work on their internal issues first.

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The best thing you can do when you’re too attached

I never liked the idea of staying in a relationship with someone who’s not good for you.

If you ask women in my village (Indonesia), they all will have the same answers they don’t believe in separation/divorce.

This means once you get attached to someone, you’ll stay no matter how badly this person treats you.

To me, it just doesn’t make sense to stay when you’re getting abused every day.

People need to stop romanticizing the idea of staying in a relationship just for the sake of it. That’s why it’s easier to leave when you’re emotionally detached.

Couple of things you can do to reach that emotional state:

Go deep into self-discovery by trying out new things that have nothing to do with your love life
Meditate — it helps you figure out your emotions better and the pattern that keeps showing
It’s never too late for a therapy session — even if you don’t believe in it
Pick up some books on attachment issues
Stop romanticizing your love life and see things as they are

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Getting attached too soon can cause many problems — not just heartbreak. And once you’re deeply invested in someone, it’s hard to let go.

While I hate seeing dating as a transaction just like in business, it doesn’t hurt to make sure that the other person is as committed as you before the relationship begins.

“Letting go of someone you’re deeply attached to isn’t easy. But even if they’re the right person, you still shouldn’t depend on them emotionally.”

Some people say they couldn’t figure out if their partner wants the same thing as they do so in the meantime, they think it’s OK to be highly invested and deeply attached.

But I don’t think it’s true.

Deep down they already knew. Love is a powerful feeling, you can feel it when someone’s serious with you. Especially when you’re past 25, you got better at seeing people’s true colors.

It’s not that hard to catch time-wasters. What’s hard is to let it go and stop making excuses for them in your head.

That’s what many people do. They don’t like to admit that they have to start over in searching for the right person.

Instead, they force the current partner (that’s clearly bad for them) to be the right person.

Such a relationship can never work out. I’ve been there too many times and I wish I didn’t have to be so hard on myself.

Letting go of someone you’re deeply attached to isn’t easy. But even if they’re the right person, you still shouldn’t depend on them emotionally.

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My goal here is to make you feel less alone on your love life journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here. And don’t forget your FREE guide on healthy dating.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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