A runaway dad fails to reach out and teaches that pain can and should end.
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Daddy Issues
Leeza Sarmiento
On May 30, 2013 I received a phone call around noon. It was a blocked caller and the phone rang four times before I answered. I didn’t recognize the voice until he said, Mi nena, estas ayi? which means my girl, are you there?
Instantly I knew it was my dad. The man who I hadn’t spoken to in years was calling me to wish me a happy birthday.
I took a deep breath and I asked why he hadn’t called in years. He hung up. I cried. All the feelings that had been building up inside of me for years were released.
I was ten years old the last time I saw my dad. I’m 17 now. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the type of father to stay with his family. My mother was in surgery, having kidney stones removed, when he left us. My brother and I didn’t know how to handle the situation. From the moment my dad walked out, and I ceased to be a child. His departure taught me to appreciate my mom and to be thankful for what I had, but it also left me without a father and friend. I had been “daddy’s little girl,” and I felt lost without him.
I knew that I had to be strong for my mother. Without being asked I took on responsibilities. I cleaned our apartment, washed our clothes and the dishes. I did these chores to take a load off of my mother’s shoulders, hoping that would make her feel better. I’m not sure how much it helped.
When my father lived with us he was always grumpy. He didn’t like going out, which meant we kids weren’t allowed to go anywhere either. My childhood was spent watching basketball games and learning how to draw and write in cursive. Still, my dad meant the world to me and was the most important person in my life.
But when I imagine myself with a complete family, including him, I see nothing. Nothing but unhappiness, it would be like living in a lie.
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Since the day he hung up on me, I have not received a call from him. I’ve always thought that I was the reason he left us. I thought that maybe there wasn’t enough room in his life for me or that he could only have one family, which happened to not be mine. I often think how my life would be if he were still a part of our family. But when I imagine myself with a complete family, including him, I see nothing. Nothing but unhappiness, it would be like living in a lie. Wishing we were the perfect family, when in reality he has two other families in New York state. But his absence has molded me into a better and stronger person. I learned to appreciate what I have, look past negativity, and love others no matter what mistakes they have made.
Since my father left us, my view of him has changed. I realize he treated my mom unfairly. He never saw my brother as his own and we are happier without him in our lives.
It hurts how someone I love so much can be so cold and how he could inflict so much pain by leaving. I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain that my mother would be in if he returned to us only to leave again.
No father, no parent should walk out on his family.
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Art is a part of the emotional healing process.
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