Dating Again as a Single Mom

Do you think you are ready to get out there in the dating world again after your divorce? Are you a little afraid to put yourself out there? Do you want to make sure you put your kids’ needs first?

All of these are valid concerns when you start to date again after a divorce.

You may have had your heart broken in the past, and not want to have that happen again in your next relationship. If this is the case, just be sure to take things slowly as you start dating again.

If you’re still upset over your breakup with your ex, it may be a good idea to consider talking with a therapist or a life coach to resolve your issues before you get into a new relationship.

Talking to your kids

If your kids are old enough, you can tell them that you’re going to be starting to date again post-divorce. If they are very small, you can simply tell them that mommy is going out with a new friend.

Be sure to use age-appropriate language. You don’t need to over share with your kids, or treat them like a friend. Simply informing them and letting them know that having a new person in your life doesn’t mean you love them less should suffice.

Then, when you are ready to introduce a new partner to your kids, it’s going to take them less by surprise.

If you talk to them when you first start dating, before there is another person involved, it will give your kids a chance to talk to you about their feelings too.

Some kids may think it’s a betrayal of their other parent that you are dating again. This is something that should be addressed before you actually start to get serious with someone, so that your kids will feel comfortable before you bring someone home.

If your child is angry or hostile when you talk to them about the possibility of dating, be sure to explore these feelings with them. You may need to see a family therapist as well if your child isn’t coping well with the idea of you dating.

Making sure that your children’s feelings are considered is very important as you think about starting to date.

Once you start dating

Since you have your kids to consider as much as yourself, it’s important that you let any potential partners know that you have kids. If you mention your kids casually in conversation, that is a good way to let a potential date know that you are a mom.

Your conversation doesn’t have to be all about your kids though. If all you talk about is your kids, you may be scaring off someone from dating you if they think you are looking for a new dad for the kids.

This probably is what you are looking for, but that doesn’t mean you need to jump into a new relationship too quickly either. If you take things slow, you stand a better chance of knowing that your new relationship is a good one.

Although you will want to mention your kids with a new partner, you probably want to wait at least 6 months to bring your new partner around your kids. That way, you know the relationship is more serious instead of casual. You don’t want your kids to get attached to someone that isn’t going to be around very long.

It’s an added responsibility being a mom, and one that needs to be taken seriously. Your kids have already suffered through your divorce, you don’t want them to suffer again by getting attached to someone new and losing them too.

Always get a babysitter when you go on a date, don’t bring the kids with you. That is a quick way to cause trouble both with your new relationship, and your kids.

Also, this may mean you don’t want to bring anyone home with you. That way, you don’t have to explain the presence of a new person in your home. Alternatively, you could arrange for your kids to sleep away from home.

Conclusion

When you start to date again after a divorce, it is important to:

• Be sure you are emotionally ready & over your ex
• Talk to your kids and consider their feelings
• Tell your new potential partners about your kids
• Wait until a relationship is serious to introduce your kids

If you can do all of these things well, it is likely that you will be well on your way to having a new loving and caring relationship, while taking your kids’ feelings into account.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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