These days dating can be quite challenging for heterosexual men. Feminism can be so seemingly militant that it’s hard to navigate and some men feel that they are simply sperm donors.
The thing to do is for men to make up your mind how much feminism you can live with. Do you mind if your prospective partner earns more than you? What if she wants children but wants to carry on working as soon as possible? Are you prepared to be the primary caregiver?
First, there’s the first date. If it really matters to you that you pay for it, say so beforehand. Tell her it’s on you. If she objects, you need to weigh up if this is the type of relationship you want.
All women are your intellectual equal, regardless of their job. All women are feminist to some degree. Housework is shared, no arguments. The rest is a sliding scale. If you start dating a woman you have known for sometime, you will hopefully know her values in most areas. Just be prepared for a few difficult conversations. You may not know her views on children and parenting. Are you aware of the importance she puts on saving money?
In the long run, how the first date is paid for is unimportant. What matters is that you are in harmony about the bigger things, like money, family, your home, and your careers.
Some women are very happy to stay at home after having children, others are not. For some, owning a home is of great importance. If you tend to spend your money and she likes to put a sum away in an account each month, this is going to cause huge problems. So be on the same page.
Of course, many dates don’t lead to our life partner, so it’s wise to state simply that you would like to pay. If you don’t mind who pays or splitting it, please have a method of paying in case your date expects it. Do not get into debates about this at the end of an evening or lunch. It is unattractive and self-defeating.
I had a friend who was asked out by a bank manager. It turned out he forgot his wallet. My friend’s response was to insist on paying and refused any future repayment. In the car park, my friend found the bank manager with his car that would not start so she moved her car closer, produced jump leads, and started his engine. My friend never saw or heard from that man again.
Men are not simply a means by which to get pregnant, apart from loving them. We need men to be emotionally intelligent, good at conversation, and good at jobs around the house (in addition to housework).
There are couples where the man does most of the cooking because he loves to cook. There are couples where the woman is a plumber or electrician by trade. Most jobs and trades are no longer gender specified.
Men dating in the age of feminism should not be too difficult. Watch out what you do with your hands though. A kiss does not permit you to touch a breast or bottom.
There is no article which can cover every situation you find yourself in. Ensure you have jump leads, unless you already drive an electric car, and have a bank card on you at all times. The most common way to impress a woman is to be competent. We don’t live in scripted movies where a woman falls in love with a hapless clown. Although it can happen.
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Previously Published on medium
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