I remember growing up thinking about the Prince charming I would meet and we would ride off into the future and we would be happy, life would be filled with endless joy.
I remember when I got married, I thought I had just entered eternal bliss, never to leave anymore!
Indeed it was a surprise and shock to say the least as I went through my divorce to fathom that the happily ever after envisioned from childhood had crescended into a bitter legal battle, leaving me licking the wounds of the experience and wondering where had it all gone wrong.
You were suppose to be happy, I was suppose to be happy all the time, ever after, this is what fairytale stories as a child taught us.
Yet even as I traversed the world as a single girl after my divorce and looked on at married couples who enjoyed happiness, I recognized the happiness wasn’t primarily derived from the relationship!!
Of course the relationship did add to one’s happiness and the unmistakable glow of those finding a partner they truly connect with is undeniable.
Yet, from talking with single, married, dating, divorced and all the other various forms of relationships. The common theme throughout, is dependence on your partner alone to bring you happiness is fraught with unrealistic expectations, that in of itself, can lead to the end of the very relationship designed to bring eternal happiness, while you exist!!
We are all humans with flawed existence, past emotional baggage, personality, needs and all the rest that exist in between. The expectation of one person to fulfill you and make you happy all the time is likely to cause unimaginable pressure on the person it is expected from!!
You may wonder then, where do I find my happiness?
The answer is simply this — from yourself.
. . .
We exist in a world that is constantly moving and doing. We rarely spend time with ourselves or even desire to do so, because what we may see about ourselves, may frighten, embarrass, guilt and all the other host of emotions that exist.
Therefore by constantly moving, doing, we don’t face — ourselves.
It sounds silly you may say, but if you are honest with yourself, consider the expectations you place on your partner.
Of course, no one wants to have a partner who is constantly nagging, unhappy, or uncomfortable to be around. The very fact that we have a partner is because we want someone in our lives who contributes to our happiness. Yet the key point missing is recognizing that the only person who can create that happiness is — ourselves.
You may say I do make myself happy, that might indeed be so if you treat yourself out to a day at the spa, or an evening out with the guys on the town or whatever you may do.
However, the happiness spoken of here is intrinsic and requires you to truly discover you, understand your potential and pursue your passion. When you can do this, then you will have found the secret to have lasting happiness and your partner can then contribute to your happiness.
. . .
When you know what is your purpose on this earth, it places you in an enviable position to that of others who haven’t, unwilling or unable to identify what truly makes them happy and so they move from relationship to relationship expecting happiness to find itself there.
They find fault with everyone and then eventually say that they can’t be happy.
The thing about finding happiness through yourself, the happiness you desire through a partner then finds itself to you, even without looking !!!
Truly if you are radiating with general joy, you would find similar persons gravitating towards you and then while each wouldn’t depend solely on each other for happiness, you can effectively contribute to one’s happiness.
It is easier for a partner to make you happy, when they don’t feel pressured to do so.. so the next time you are looking for a relationship to bring all the happiness you desire, take a moment, have a look in the mirror and recognize the first and most important person responsible for truly making you happy is YOU.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
|Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often||Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It||The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex||..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything|
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: Unsplash