I get this question from almost every potential new affair partner:
DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING?
What’s the right answer?
I doubt it.
He’s as asexual as a starfish.
I would applaud his cheating ass because that meant he could get his dick to work. Even if not for me.
I don’t understand his libido or lack thereof.
“Did you know about his low libido when you married?”
No. And, yes. I knew. I just chose to ignore all the warning signs. He was a virgin, check. At 34 years of age, check. He didn’t want to go down on me, check. He couldn’t even kiss, check. He had barely any relationships, double-check.
I respected his decision. I thought I could teach him about sex. But he had to WANT to learn. And he didn’t.
He was a virgin for a reason.
I had a very rude awakening on our honeymoon night.
He cried.
“Hon, what’s wrong?” I asked.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, I knew. Why doesn’t he want me? Rip my clothes off? At least want to cuddle?
“I don’t know,” he said. “This is too much for me.”
What was too much? Being married? The drinking? Excitement?
We weren’t scheduled to leave for our honeymoon until the day after. Booking a lavish two week holiday in the Caribbean.
“It’s ok. We don’t have to do anything,” I said, deeply disappointed.
“We can do it tomorrow,” he answered.
He can’t even say the word “sex.” I am screwed. And not in the way I want.
I was exhausted. The shoes. The heavy dress. All the dancing and photos. But part of me was shocked. I wanted to be ravished just a little bit. Even some light petting would have been welcome.
Pushing my new husband was going to backfire. He wasn’t the type to be receptive.
What did I do? I’m regretting this marriage already on the first night. I shouldn’t have walked down the aisle. What was I thinking?
I should have married someone far more sexual.
So, is my husband cheating? He’s had one sexual partner: me. Ostensibly, he should be ripe for cheating. Experimentation. Living a little. Getting some experience. Actually, I would expect it.
Yet, he is far from interested in sex, so I doubt it.
He’s also uber religious and dogmatic to add to the toxic mix. I have the best sludge of vile masculinity wrapped up in one package.
“How do you know your hubby isn’t cheating?” guys asked.
“I’ve never even seen him masturbate,” I said.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. In 21 years of marriage…”
“And, I’ve encouraged mutual masturbation since penetrative sex wasn’t happening,” I added.
“Wow. I would love to have a woman like you.”
“Maybe he hides it in the shower or bathroom. Who knows?” I said.
“I bet you he has someone on the side.”
“Maybe. His dick doesn’t work for me! Maybe she’s luckier!” I joked.
She gets to have the premature ejaculation and avoidance of pussy eating and the lack of skills. She’ll be thrilled to have him. I feel like I should send him cheating with a warning label, “Please train. I couldn’t do it,” pinned to his jacket.
Is my husband cheating on me?
I don’t know. But I can guess.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash