Does Our Sexuality Change as We Age? Here Is My Experience

June 2023 is Pride month, and it has fueled some interesting conversations for me so far. I was talking to my partner the other day about a comment he had made to me recently. He asked me,

Are you not bisexual anymore?

At the time, I kind of laughed off the comment. Actually, I identify more as pansexual now. But that wasn’t the point of the conversation, at least not the main one.

We have always had an open relationship, and are able to seek out other partners if we like. However, I haven’t had another partner since 2015.

Does that mean I’m not pansexual anymore? Or not poly anymore? No.

I haven’t sought out a new partner since I had my youngest daughter, now 6 years old. Partly, it’s because I am too busy being a mom to think about having another relationship.

But, there are added dimensions too. I don’t feel as comfortable with my body since I had my youngest. I put on a lot of weight that still hasn’t come off yet. I don’t feel comfortable naked the way that I used to, because I don’t feel attractive the way that I did when I was younger and thinner.

Also, it is a lot of work meeting new people and starting up a relationship. It is one of those things that I just don’t have the energy for as I am getting older. Just like working 2 jobs, putting on makeup, or wearing real pants instead of leggings.

Plus, I have realized that as I get older casual sex makes me feel bad about myself. I don’t want to just have some random hook up for the sake of it. If I met someone now, I would want to have feelings involved.

These days, I have settled into a comfortable mom life. My sexuality and relationships aren’t at the forefront of my mind most of the time. I have a family that I am happy with. I don’t need to add to it anymore. Just like I don’t want another baby, I don’t want another partner.

But that doesn’t change my identity.

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

I’m sure if I met the right person in a natural way — without being on some dating app — then I would be interested.

For more exclusive content, sign up for my newsletter on Substack.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***