You thought you were exclusive.

He’s only with you; you’re only with him — except for the pesky detail of your respective spouses.

Except, now you have doubts…

One lady on r/adultery wrote, “I haven’t had any suspicions so far that he might have another AP, but today, while being together, he was checking his phone and wanted to show me something; for a split second, I noticed that a text message to a woman had three kissing emojis in it (and he sends the three kissing emojis to me by the way).”

Holy hell. The sheer bravado to text another lover while you are with a current lover. I’ve never done that, lol. Why, yes, I have…but I’ve done it in the bathroom by myself.

“When I mentioned in a nice way what I noticed, he tried to cover it up right away by saying that this is how he responds to his guy friends as well.”

AND HE’S A BAD LIAR.

Not a good adulterer so far. NOPE. He needs my Masterclass in Cheating 101 stat.

No guy sends other guys three kissing face emojis. C’mon. That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. He’s obviously hoping you are really stupid.

“He insisted that he would have told me if he had another AP, etc, and was very mad at me for even thinking such a thing.”

Oh, the man doth protest too much. He fooled you well.

“He’s just a work friend, he said.”

Work friend, that he fucks.

“Of course, I ended up apologizing to him to calm things down.”

If I could bitch slap you through my phone, I would, but I can’t…so I am writing this.

“I told him since the beginning it would be over between us if he was messing with other women.”

He’s messing with other women, no doubt about it.

“How can I expect my AP to be honest with me when he has cheated on his wife for most of his marriage, having had many affairs?”

YOU CAN’T.

He’s lying through his teeth, and he will continue to lie as long as he can get away with it.

He played victim and gaslighted you. Red Flag City.

“Should I believe him?”

He’s an expert at manipulation. You are way out of your league with this dude. It’s game over if you are smart. Get tested for STIs as soon as possible is my recommendation.

Stop being played.

“Am I really his only AP?” she asked.

So, she’s wondering if the cheater she’s cheating with is cheating with another cheater.

You have to assume you aren’t the only one on their roster and get tested frequently, or dump him and find someone else. It’s the way of adultery. Exclusivity is a quaint concept with very little follow-through in affair land. Cheaters aren’t usually ethical. And they aren’t exemplary human beings. They are opportunists and will likely fuck anything/anyone that shows interest. I know that’s pessimistic, but it’s true.

Loyalty doesn’t exist.

Yes, there are exceptions — I played the field until I found my guy, too. Then, I settled down because I didn’t want to risk losing him. Monogamy was the price to pay for something that felt real. It was well worth it for me.

Trust is critical with an affair partner.

This is another one of the many ironies of adultery that fascinate me.
This “lifestyle” never fails to come up with material to write about.

Previously Published on Medium

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