Dragging Men to Events

Recently I was talking with my SO about going to see the new Barbie movie. I was pleasantly surprised by his response. A lot of men expect their partners to join them in their interests while not returning the favor.

With other men I’ve been close to, both male friends and my ex, it sometimes took a bit of arm-twisting to get them to agree to go to events.

With my ex, the first time I met resistance — I wanted to go see a production of the Nutcracker in Colorado. He really didn’t want to go. But I had an inkling he would love it if he came. And he did. Afterwards he went on and on about how much he enjoyed it.

Being young and foolish, this annoyed me.

The pattern played out several times before I realized I needed to just accept it. I’d ask him to go with me to, say an organ concert. He’d grumble but then, afterwards, he’d be so happy he’d gone. The times I accepted his refusal and went without him — afterwards, he’d express regret for missing out.

I finally figured out — he just liked to grumble.

When I asked him to go see Cinderella Man with me, and he grumbled, I just kept quiet. He was surprised it was a boxing movie. He ended up loving it, along with Ratatouille, which I also dragged him to. He laughed out loud in the theater at the antics of the animated rat.

For other events, such as going to the symphony or concerts in the park he was more enthused.

A lot of this replayed what had happened with male friends over the years. Like the time I got a group together to go to the theater. Several of the guys in the group came reluctantly, but afterwards, over drinks, they admitted they’d enjoyed the excursion.

There are a couple of caveats, of course.

First of all, if you expect your friend or partner to accompany you, you have to return the favor. So, if your partner loves sports and wants you to go with him to games — you should do this sometimes.

Second, there are things that he really hates or that are against his belief system. In those cases, respect that and accept his refusal without a fuss.

So, back to the Barbie movie. Will I go? And if I do, will I go with my SO?

Not sure about the first, but about the second — I think it would be a good idea because it might be something interesting

Re. the first point — initially I wasn’t planning to go. I was jazzed to see Oppenheimer, but the Barbie movie didn’t initially appeal to me because I had never been into Barbie as a kid. I preferred playing with Legos.

Talking to friends who have seen it though make me think — it might be worth it. Particularly if no arm-twisting is required!

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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.

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