The last Netflix comedy special I watched? It made a lot of excitement about dry dating and its spin-offs. The comedian went to a wedding where not even a single drop of alcohol was available. They weren’t alcoholics.
They are someone whose brain associates drinking with social events. If alcoholic beverages aren’t on the menu, they freak out.
One of the Bible’s miracles was water transformed into wine.
So, yeah, this practice is insane to some.
Others love it. The trend has more spin-offs than the Law & Order or the NCIS series.
- Sober curiosity | Booze-free lifestyle
- Sober dating | Dry dating | Dry January
- Dry weddings | Sober socialization
It’s the healthiest dating culture, I’ve noticed in a long time. How do you feel about it?
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What is Dry Dating?
Dry dating has two meanings depending on who you ask.
The popular definition is about interactions lacking fermented drinks.
“Dry dating is when people date completely sober. Sure, it makes sense for people who can’t or choose not to drink as a lifestyle, but for those of us who do enjoy the casual cocktail or glass of wine, especially to ease any nerves, shyness, or social anxiety, dating without the crutch of alcohol is a tough sell.” — Pop Sugar
The second definition relates to abstinence.
“Form of casual, new relationship exploration that possesses many of the characteristics of traditional dating (e.g. dinners out, cooking together, drinks at bar, movies on the sofa) but lacks to a confusing extent a physical component; not even a kiss goodnight. Especially perplexing to one party when the other (the non-move-making party) is in the initiator of all dates.” — Urban Dictionary
Dry dating is what health addicts would term as a “mindfulness” act. You want to learn about the person slowly while being alert.
It is when you remove actions (drinking, kissing, or sex) until you have bonded with the person. You want to observe who they are on the date without chemical influence to alter your views.
You want to have more meaningful connections. And not repeat the dopamine driven behaviors of your past.
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Why does this matter?
- Subtle dinner table actions hint at personalities and traumas. People who don’t like wasting food grew up in a scarcity environment. Meanwhile, people who “encourage” with insistence are likely abusive.
- Anxiety reduction. Nervous behavior intensifies when you treat the symptoms. Alcohol is not a default coping mechanism. So, people have to learn to self-soothe and expand their comfort zones.
- Safety. Women have a higher love for the practice. They want to do slow bonds to reduce the emotional pain of ghosting. Plus, stay alert when meeting new people one-on-one for the first time.
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How to Plan a Dry Date?
#1. Understand your mindset.
Will you be okay if your date orders alcohol? Would you prefer if the menu excludes booze? Why are you choosing to avoid fermented beverages?
Is this choice for the first date or all dates? Is a kiss allowed, or will you decide depending on how the date goes?
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#2. Communication
Whether it is a big or a tiny deal, communication is critical. You would tell someone an unfamiliar restaurant is vegan. Same here. If the dinner spot doesn’t serve alcoholic drinks, be courteous. And let the person know it is off the menu.
If you are fine having water while others drink, there’s no need to mention your dating style. If not okay, say something to avoid unintentional triggering. If you don’t want to exchange kisses or moans, let the person know early after the date.
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#3. Expectation Setup
Express this need based on the temporary or permanency of this dating style.
Let the other person know you do and don’t want alcohol or intimacy. Of course, do this at appropriate times. It keeps the other person informed, so moments are less awkward.
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Thank you for reading this post.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Danielle Stein on Unsplash