I am an emotional person. We all are. Yet I’ve had a very low EQ for a lot of my life. Not because I’m not a compassionate person — I am. Not because I don’t care. I do. But I am on the autistic spectrum. It took me a lot longer than most folks to figure out how to manage my emotions.
This has led to me making some seriously bad decisions.
The thing that makes this frustrating — when it comes to universal themes, I can be super objective and always have been. I was a whiz at solving math problems, for example, and engineering problems — pretty much any problem not related to me personally — because I can look at all the components in the right way.
Thanks to my abilities, I had the honor of being the only design engineer in the building whose board design worked right the first time around, no modifications needed. Anyone who has designed boards for a living knows this is not easy to do.
And it wasn’t that my board was easy — in fact, it had a more complex arrangement than many other boards that the company was designing. I had to deal not just with electrical design issues, which is what my degree is in, but also mechanical issues. I worked well with the mechanical engineers, the production engineers, Q.A., etc. When I was focused on my goal (producing the best possible board I could), my E.Q. was not an issue.
However, in my own personal life — I made many bad decisions.
I didn’t marry a man who would have been perfect for me, looking back. However, I was only in my early 20s at the time, and an argument could be made that I was too young. However, years later I made the mistake of marrying someone I was not compatible with. I did it based on emotions, not careful consideration.
I also made bad career moves repeatedly because I allowed my emotions to control me. And also bad medical and health decisions.
It’s only now, years later, that I’ve learned how to manage my emotions in a way that gives the me the distance I need to make better decisions. Better late than never, I guess.
I’m tempted to focus on my regrets for bad decisions I’ve made, but… doing so is a bad decision!
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying emotions are not important. A lot of times they give very important clues about things. You can’t discard them.
But… there needs to be a balance. You can marry someone you love, for example, while still making sure you are compatible. You can make career choices based on both practical considerations and emotions. You can insist on time to process medical decisions instead of allowing yourself to be rushed.
Hopefully I still have time to make up for some of the bad decisions I have made in the past! But even if I don’t… I have forgiven myself and I accept my past while I try to move forward in a positive way.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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