We are essentially born to be loving beings and are preconditioned for tender touch as requirement for survival. Science has proven that babies need touch to prevent a condition known as, failure to thrive. If we, as humans, understand this basic need for survival why do some of us find accepting love from others to be so difficult?
We are not born to reject love, but some of us learn that love can be the equivalent of pain and suffering. Somewhere along the way, some of us were reconditioned to understand love as a source of anguish rather than sustenance. These lessons can form in early developmental stages of childhood and lead to patterns of unhealthy relationships. We learn how to love and be loved from our earliest experiences with love. It is not our fault for the way we learned about love. However, in order to partake in healthy loving relationships we need to take responsibility and be accountable for our own healing.
I read somewhere, “If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you”. This sentence resonated so deeply within me. It sparked me to really think about both the love I want to give and receive. I believe we should love people with all we have, love hard. We should also allow ourselves to be loved fiercely. I have been told innumerable times that I am difficult to love. Indeed, I have maintained a wall around my heart due to others being careless with it. I have carried baggage into my relationships that did not belong.
Carrying that baggage and being guarded has not only been unfair to those that have attempted to love me, but has been very unfair to me over the years. I spent such a great deal of time fearing love and the potential hurt, that I was missing out on the joy of the experience. As I continue to grow and love myself more, I am learning to accept the love of others as well. It is not always easy and there will be days when I struggle. I am going to make a million mistakes along the way. I am learning to love and be loved in a new and healthy way as I mend my heart. I am no longer going to love with my past. It is time to love hard and with all I have.
Love is not finite. I do not believe in the theory that if we give away all of our love, we will have nothing left for ourselves. We are born with an infinite depth of love for ourselves and others.
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