Find Someone Who Lights up the Mundane

One of the reasons people have affairs is because it serves as an escape from the reality of everyday life. It’s exciting. It’s fun.

And it’s not real.

Affair partners are not dealing with shared finances or chores or childcare. They are not dealing with any of the mundane nuances of an ordinary adult life. They are living in a fantasy devoid of normal responsibilities.

The success rate for post-divorce affair relationships is low. Once the relationship turns from a fantasy into a real life with real responsibilities, there is often no foundation to hold the relationship together.

Most of the moments of our lives are mundane. They are ordinary. They are boring.

When we envision a life with our ideal partner, we might think about going out on fun dates, embarking on exciting vacations, and having a plus one to bring to weddings and parties. We might think about our own wedding and future children. We might dream about buying a house with someone and getting a dog. We might fantasize about tantalizing sex.

And us much as each of those things are important and satisfying moments of our lives, they make up a very small portion of our lives. The greatest portion of our lives is made up of the ordinary moments. These ordinary moments are what make life meaningful. And these ordinary moments are laced with fragility.

There are many people out there who are attractive and who are fun to go out and do things with. But once the sex and the fun give way to responsibilities, you want someone who is going to be there for you when life is hard. And who can make the boring parts of life fun.

You want someone whose face lights up when you walk through the door after a tough day at work.

You want someone who helps you get a crying baby back to sleep in the middle of the night.

You want someone who will sing offkey with you when you drive from Home Depot to the dry cleaners to the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon.

You want someone who buys your favorite treat and sneaks it into your work bag for you to find later.

You want someone who pitches in extra with chores when they know you’re having a really busy week.

You want someone who turns toy cleanup into a game.

You want someone who holds you when life becomes too much and you need a good cry.

You want someone who smiles when they see your face each morning.

You wants someone who brings you coffee without you asking, and they know exactly how you like it.

You want someone who never hesitates to rub sunscreen on your back.

You want someone who dances with you in the kitchen while dinner is cooking.

You want someone who helps you clean spit up off the floor.

You want someone who takes the kids all day so you can go golfing with buddies or shopping with girlfriends.

You want someone who knows your secrets and who never judges you for your past mistakes.

You want someone who wraps their arms around you while you’re waiting in the checkout line.

You want someone who listens to you, even when you’re talking about something they don’t have much of an interest in.

You want someone who you can sit with in comfortable silence.

You want someone who cheerfully brings an emergency roll of toilet paper to the bathroom when you run out.

You want someone who pulls weeds while you water flowers.

You want someone who makes you laugh while they fold laundry and you do dishes.

You want someone who is a circle to your square, who fills in your straight lines, and who can smooth out your jagged edges with a simple glance into your eyes.

Anyone can make a vacation fun. But it’s the mundane moments that make or break relationships.

Find someone who lights up the mundane.

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Previously Published on medium

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