Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things.
– Miyamoto Musashi
Miyamoto Musashi was one of the greatest Samurai in Japan. Following lifelong discipline opens the path, creates the way. In Japanese, do means the way, the path. I’ve trained in Aikido for almost 40 years, well over half my life. I follow that path.
The late Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train.” On the path, I don’t have to get somewhere. I don’t have to be someone else. I can be me. I can always be better, the greater man, the greater person. I work on myself, not on others. Just train.
In Aikido, I wait it out and enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time. The purpose of Aikido is to release my fear. I enter the attack, enter the danger, what I fear. The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger. I hold my position. Make my timing.
Under the attack, I open up and let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. My fear of Dad when I was a little boy. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. Not me against them. I’m my greatest opponent, my greatest enemy.
Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside me. I free me. I find my way broadly. I find my path in life.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I enter my fear of Dad when I was 8 years old. I don’t run from what I fear. Don’t defend against it. If I defend, I can be defeated. I hold my position. I open up. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father, for being afraid inside too, and for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough as a little boy to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I find my way broadly. I find me.
In therapy, Aikido, meditation, I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. Practice makes the unnatural natural. Just train.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. On the path, I love and forgive mine own self. I’m quiet inside. I find my measure of peace. I overcome myself, not others. I find my way broadly. Everyone finds their way broadly, too.
I write about understanding the way broadly on the Good Men Project with my editor Lisa Hickey. I write for someone out there, who suffers in “I’m not good enough.” I let them know they can heal themselves. They can look within themselves and discover they are good enough. That voice in their head that says, “I’m no good.” may not be even their own voice. Perhaps, that can make a difference in some way, on some scale.
In the old adage, “Jack of all trades, master of none.” I’m not good at so many things. Women don’t find me attractive. I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. I’m not exactly rich. Women dismiss me, because of that. They use me until they find the man they love, because of that. So, I get it. I know what I have. I know what I don’t have.
On the path, in the way, I train to be the greater man, the greater person. I change the things I can. I let go the things I can’t change. I work on myself, not on others. I open up. Keep moving forward.
I’m not suddenly becoming handsome, standing 6′ 1″ and looking like Ryan Gosling. Still, I keep my heart open. I have meaningful compassion for what it’s like to be others. I work on myself, not on them. That’s all I can do. I see the way broadly. Like the late Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train.” That’s the Way.
Life is perfectly imperfect, much like me. I continually discover my path, find my way broadly. It’s not like I have to get somewhere or be someone else. Find your way broadly, whatever that can be. In the way broadly, on the path, be good to yourself, be kind to yourself. Love yourself for who you are and forgive yourself for who you’re not. My late Mom said, “It’ll work out.” That’s the way broadly, too.
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Photo by Oleg Hasanov on Unsplash
