35-year-old DeMar DeRozan signed to play forward for the Sacramento Kings in 2024. Over his 16-year NBA career, DeMar has been a 6-time NBA All-Star. Over the last couple years, he’s averaged over 24 points per game.
In 2018, DeMar tweeted, “This depression gets the best of me.” Since then, DeMar has been on his journey to heal and rebuild himself. I have nothing, but mad love and respect for DeMar. I get what that’s like. I’ve been on my own journey to heal my childhood trauma and depression, too. I’ve openly written and spoken about that.
In 2024, DeMar wrote his book, Above the Noise: My Story of Chasing Calm about his experience with depression. Talking with Good Morning America Host Michael Strahan, DeMar said that depression caught up with him when he was in his twenties. He said that he had “So much negative emotion for everything.” That landed for me, too. Since I was a little boy, I hated on myself. I had the fear inside me that I’m not good enough.
DeMar was a guest on ESPN First Take with cohosts Stephen A. Smith, Christopher Russo, and Molly Qerim to discuss his book and life experience with depression. DeMar compassionately said, “We all going through something.”
DeMar discussed his journey of healing. He said, “For me I’m blessed to have 5 kids, who are my everything…” His advice in dealing with depression: “Find something you care about and cares about you the same way back.” Truth. We don’t make our journey through life alone.
Over the last few years, studies have indicated that the increase in depression can be attributed to the prevalence of Social Media. Stephen A. Smith, also Best-Selling Author of Straight Shooter, has openly discussed his depression following his Mother’s death and participating in therapy. Stephen A asked, “Is it easier now to be part of the NBA as a player or harder because of so many outlets (social media), so many opinions…?”
DeMar said, “I think it’s tougher these days.”
Often Social Media devolves into the Great Comparison Game: “I’m better than you. Here’s my evidence.” On my own journey, I’ve learned that the only meaningful comparison is to myself. Where I started. Who I’ve become. Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” There is no meaningful opponent or enemy, I overcome me. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. I try to be the greatest that I can be. That’s good enough.
Nothing, but mad love and respect to DeMar DeRozan and Stephen A. Smith for their bravery and vulnerability in discussing their journeys with depression. Quietly depression has grown to the forefront of mental health concern. In 2021, the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) said that major depression affects more than 8% (21 million) of American adults each year. This might be as concerning epidemic as the COVID pandemic, itself.
Over the last 10 years or so, I’ve worked on my clinical depression. I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I look at and resolve my fear that I’m not good enough, my fear of Dad when I was a little boy. I train in Aikido with Ishibashi Sensei, who is my Big Brother. Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” In Aikido, I enter the attack, enter what I fear. I get under what I fear. I hold my position. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Everything quiet inside me. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I free myself. I meditate every day, as well. I’m quiet inside.
Like DeMar chases his calm, I find my quiet inside, my peace within. According to the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. Finding one’s calm, finding the quiet inside us, is a path to end suffering. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not.
As DeMar said, find something that you care about and that will care about you the same way back. I train and teach Aikido, and write about loving and forgiving thine own self on The Good Men Project with my editor Lisa Hickey. They are the great loves of my life. I hope that with Aikido, with my writing, I can make a difference for others. Making a difference heals me from depression, because it’s not all about me. It’s about others, about them. That is my most authentic self-expression.
May you find your path to end suffering, heal from depression, and make a difference in this life. Love yourself for who you are and forgive yourself who you’re not. Although at times it may not seem like it: Life is a gift. Sometimes, we just have to reinvent it that way. Amen.
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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
