Five Limiting Beliefs Women Sometimes Have About Relationships

We all have one common fear.

Okay, that could be an exaggeration. But I’m sure almost everyone who’s into any kind of romantic relationship dreads the idea of falling for the wrong person.

Yet, for countless unfortunate women, they’re nothing but serial daters of the same kinds of terrible men. In fact, some deluded self-acclaimed nice guys think these women are naturally drawn to or attracted to “jerks.”

Sure, that’s one hell of a wrong way to view this. Still, many of us have countless limiting beliefs keeping us from enjoying the kinds of relationships we deserve, among many other counterproductive behaviors.

But today, we will look at some misguided beliefs that are keeping many women stuck in a litany of messy relationships.

1. The Belief That Forces Women Into Wrong Relationships

Some women often find themselves jumping from one bad relationship to the other because of the relationship lists they have written somewhere at the back of their minds.

Let’s take the dating process, for example, to clarify things. To avoid ending up with the wrong partners, most women have a bucket list of what they want in a partner.

Some even go as detailed as the types of music they want their ideal partner to listen to, penis size, physical appearance, jobs, money, etc.,

In reality, most items in their lists are too shallow and superficial to ensure they end up in a healthy and functional relationship.

There are so many factors involved in building or creating a healthy relationship. Which includes mutual trust and respect, open and clear communication, authenticity, compromise, and shared values, interests, etc.,

Most of the wrong relationships today happen as a result of the fact that they need to be rooted and well-versed in ideal relationship expectations. But unfortunately, most people often have shamefully superficial relationship expectations that are rather ludicrous than reasonable, and all they do is pave the way for disappointments, bitterness, and unhappiness.

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The only way out? Is to look out for a relationship with someone who’s got what it takes to build a healthy and functional relationship.

2. The Belief That Keeps Women Stuck in Toxic Relationships

Women who lack knowledge of their self-worth and value tend to look at their relationships through an overly unhealthy optimistic lens. This makes them subject themselves to all sorts of pain and unacceptable treatments from their partners.

When you’re insecure and believe you’ve got no other option but to stay back in an unhealthy relationship until things get better, you might waste a considerable amount of the so little time you’ve got in this world chasing a lost cause.

By the time you’ll realize how hopeless the cause you’re hoping to achieve is, you must have slaved your ass off, endured lots of terrible treatments, and made a fool of yourself countlessly.

You already know the best thing to do when you find yourself in such a situation. Love and respect yourself enough to walk away from such a mess because it most likely won’t get better.

Sure, it is a challenging thing to do. But it gets easier when you believe there’s always a better relationship out there, and there’s no gain in settling for one that’s more unhappy than happy.

Try navigating the dating and relationship world with the mindset that you deserve better than a messy, mediocre, and stressful relationship, even if you have to fake it first.

Try imagining what a high self-worth woman would do when she finds herself in a rather toxic than healthy relationship and try to do the same. And I promise you; you’ll begin to attract the right kinds of relationships since you can say no to the wrong ones.

3. The Belief That Turns People Into Prisoners of Their Pasts

If we all are to examine our lives thoroughly. You’ll find that a lot of us have one thing in common. We often have decent standards for ourselves that we’d want to be in control of almost all aspects of our lives.

Only to find that we are often powerless regarding the past.

This brings about the psychological effects of defining oneself by the past. Specifically, we often define ourselves by past mistakes that led to a series of failed relationships or by the outcomes of many messy and even toxic relationships.

In reality, our pasts form parts of our personalities, but they don’t define us.

It’s only in our heads. And what matters is actively seeking out and unlearning those mistakes — while learning productive things that can transform our situations. This mindset shift will ensure you’ll begin to see yourself as someone worthy of love and deserving of better relationships.

Even if you’ve gone through the most terrible divorce or heartbreak in the past, you’ll recover from the difficult situation and find your way to a better and healthier relationship.

And even if you were the one that sabotaged the relationship, you’d forgive yourself and work towards being a better partner in another relationship. You’ll no longer settle for being a slave of your pasts.

4. The Belief That Turns Women Into Project Contractors

I’ve spent nearly half a decade studying and writing about romantic relationships. And one notable mistake I see many women and even men make is taking up the role of a project contractor instead of being a romantic partner.

The idea that you can change someone into your ideal of a perfect partner is nonsense. Or the idea that you can fix and transform someone from a toxic partner into a loving one.

We all love our relationships and would naturally want to do anything to save them. But some of us go about it in a toxic and unhealthy way.

Some women in unhealthy relationships with jerks fall into the trap of believing their asshole partners can be saved if they’re loved enough.

Why is it so hard for such people to leave a toxic relationship? First, you must admit that you can’t change someone unwilling to. Because if you don’t, you’ll be digging up your own hell of sadness that might last a lifetime if care isn’t taken.

Your elaborate explanations and rationalizations for a romantic partner’s toxic behaviors, plus your will to endure, work, and hope they change someday; that puts you at the risk of losing yourself trying to change someone who’ll never change, is the belief you need to throw on the heap scrap if you want to enjoy and lead a less stressful and drama-filled life.

5. The Mindset That Makes Women Puppets To Men Who Treat Them Shabbily

This last point summarizes the whole idea behind this post. When you don’t know your value, you’ll most likely have difficulty navigating through relationships.

Because when you don’t know your value,

You’d chase after terrible men who would mistreat you while you want them even more.
You’d lack the confidence to ask for what you want.
You’d tolerate nonsense in high hopes that it’ll magically change someday.

All these result from the fact that you somehow believe you are not good enough and unlovable.

Your dating, your love, and your entire life will experience a transformational change when you make peace with the fact that people rarely have respect for someone who allows others to treat them shabbily.

You’ll realize that you’re somehow responsible for all the terrible ways your asshole of a partner treated you because you let him treat you poorly—Blunt but true.

Nothing is worse than believing others can determine your value, worth, and self-esteem. And the best thing you can ever do is to believe that you’re worth a lot. That you deserve the very best love and affection. And that you don’t need to accommodate, justify, or conform to be loved.

Because the world can’t automatically detect how best to treat and think of you, you have to consciously lead the way by how you treat and feel about yourself.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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