Four Powerful Ways To Deal With Unrequited Love

It was on the first day of college where I met Don and noticed how attractive he was; tall and with a cute face. He was all I wanted in a boyfriend. We could be a great couple, I said to myself.

But the only problem here is he didn’t like me back — even after three years of me waiting. He ended updating one of my classmates. Obviously, I was so heartbroken and couldn’t “function” well during my college years.

I also refused to date anyone else just because I clung to that hope; maybe, just maybe, he’d realize how much I cared about him, and he changed his feelings and wanted me instead. But of course, that never happened.

Dealing with unrequited love isn’t easy.

You like this person so much that you’re willing to change everything about yourself so they can like you back. If they don’t, you’ll blame yourself for not being “perfect” enough.

My self-esteem was very low when I desperately tried to chase Don. And I was constantly trying to fix my flaws. But weirdly, it didn’t matter how many things I’ve fixed inside & outside me, I still felt like I wasn’t good enough to be his girlfriend.

But I couldn’t truly blame him because it’s not his fault either. He just never had that special feeling for me, and I should’ve stopped myself from trying long ago.

When your crush/potential partner doesn’t seem to have the same amount of love for you, that usually has nothing to do with whether you’re enough or not. I know your mind tricked you into thinking that way, but if you’re dealing with one right now, first, you aren’t alone.

And second is, there are definitely things you can do to move on from them.

Write the things you hate about them.

When you like someone too much, they’ll be the ones you constantly think of. So your life, without you realizing it or not, has revolved around this person. To break the pattern, you need to list down all the things you hate about them.

This is your way to let your brain know that this person isn’t the right one for you, and you shouldn’t keep thinking about them.

I remember the feelings I had for my crush slowly disappeared after I wrote down daily the things I hated about him. It wasn’t easy at first because, unlike in a relationship where we got dumped, here you need to put yourself in a position as if you’d get dumped by them.

So pretending to have that scenario happen will motivate you to come up with many points on the list.

Minimize your contact with them

If you usually hang out with them a lot, try to reduce the frequency so that your mind gets used to the new routine without them around.

If you’re friends on social media, make use of that “hide” button. You don’t owe them your attention anymore. Some friends like to ask me how they could “unfollow” or “mute” their crush just like that because they think it’s impolite to do.

I tell them they don’t really need to care about what’s their crush would think. Minimizing contact is crucial to help you break free from the “love addiction” you have towards the crush.

So do whatever you can to disengage with your crush because once you decide you want to move on, massive changes in your day-to-day life are highly necessary.

Open the door for someone new.

This is something that I regret.

I kept my heart open for him but never for anyone else for three years. That’s a long time if you think about it. But I was stuck in this situation where I couldn’t seem to move on and refused to try dating someone new either.

So avoid that mistake before you waste so many more years of your life. I can tell you it’s not worth it.

The best thing you can do to fasten the process of forgetting your crush is to open the door for someone who genuinely likes you. If you don’t have one right now, you can always try online dating apps such as Bumble/Tinder.

Get busy and focus on your own life.

Nothing feels better than putting the focus back into your life. When you think about your crush day in day out, it can happen that you start neglecting your goals.

Being busy will also help you distract your crazy desperate thoughts into something more positive.

I remember I started taking a teaching job after college so I wouldn’t have so much free time in the evening to wander. As a result, after six months or so, I barely thought about my crush because I was too busy working on my career life.

The bottom line

No one likes to feel like they aren’t good enough for someone they like.

But still, it doesn’t mean you can force that one person to love you the way you do. You can prove to them you’re the most caring or perfect mate for them, but if they don’t feel the same, then you have no other choice but to move on right away.

The longer you stay, the painful it’ll become.

So go out now before it’s too late. Open your heart for someone who wants you and loves you for who you are.

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Previously Published on medium

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