My friend, Jeanette, feels like she asks too much for looking for a serious relationship on the get-go but in practice, she just needs to switch and try other dating Apps.
Obviously, Tinder is full of people who want to just hook up and leave.
There are many many reasons why dating apps don’t work out for you.
Knowing the real reasons will help you decide whether or not you should be still swiping right and left every night.
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You haven’t moved on from your ex yet
I had a Tinder date with a guy who’s clearly not over his ex. Every date he went, he treated it like a place to dump his angry feelings toward his ex.
It was unfair for me because I genuinely was looking for a real connection.
While I’m not saying you should move on from your ex fast, it’s always better to deal with one thing at a time.
Because when you aren’t over your ex but decide to jump on a dating App, it hurts two people: you and the new person you just swiped right.
That’s why I always suggest people take a dating hiatus after a breakup. But sometimes people are too scared to give it a try. They see it as a waste of time.
But detaching from your love life can actually help you redefine what your wants and needs in a relationship.
You owe it to yourself to give time to process and come out as a brand new person.
You don’t believe you can find someone worth investing in online
There’s a difference between, “I don’t believe in any of this online dating” and “Let’s just give it a try and see what happens”.
When you start your online dating journey by believing that no one out there might be worth investing in, then most times, you’ll meet the same people who think the same.
Back in 2019 when Bumble was still new in Bali, I signed up only to delete it the next week.
I thought it wouldn’t work out because I’d heard so many bad examples from my friend.
I didn’t start it with at least a little hope that my journey might turn slightly different.
That one perspective impacts how I communicate with men there.
I didn’t want to see them as a person and get to know them better because what’s the point right?
But 3 months later, I downloaded it with a different intention: I just wanted to connect with someone and have a decent conversation in person.
A week later, I met up with a guy who gave me exactly that; a deep connection and strong chemistry.
To this day, I still find it strange how I felt like I’ve known him my whole life.
Overall, that one experience taught me the world owes us nothing. Even though sometimes we think that way.
You can’t keep blaming how things don’t work when deep down you believe it to be true.
“Am I good enough?”
We all have insecurity. No one’s perfect — despite how flawless they look on Instagram.
People say, finding your soulmate through a dating App is easy when you’re good-looking.
This might be true, especially for men but I also believe that not everyone’s main preference is the look only.
We aren’t that naive to think that only good-looking people can hold a relationship together.
So when you feel like you aren’t good enough to be on a dating app, what’s your main standard of “enough” anyway?
Is it because you think you’re too short? or your hobbies aren’t unique enough? What is it?
Because it doesn’t matter whether it’s online or offline, if you still feel like you aren’t enough for someone to love you, then it’ll never happen.
What I found helpful in this case is to come up with your best traits. We all have one (or two) things that we’re good at.
Even just the fact that you’re a caring person is more than enough to get started on a dating App.
You signed up for the wrong App
Many people signed up for one App, couldn’t find anything, and deleted it. Then they told their friends and family how sucks online dating is.
There are so many dating Apps companies out there and trust me, not every one of them wants to waste your time or money.
I’m one of the living proofs that it can work.
But to have such a result, you need to be willing to try out different Apps. If you find Tinder isn’t working for you, maybe it’s time to move to Coffee Meets Bagel.
An App like Bumble also has this option where you can pick the “BFF” section.
So instead of going full-force looking for a life partner, you can start by making friends.
The more I heard people’s stories on their online dating journey, it becomes clear to me that they have high expectations. They build up so much hope even before they sign up.
I don’t blame them though.
Because when you heard about Dating Apps, it gives the premise of choosing whoever you want, there are plenty of fishes in the sea.
So when reality hits and you can’t meet a single soul to have a decent conversation with, it drives you crazy.
That’s why it’s good to have a flexible mindset and not be so fixated on the idea that a certain App can give you the result.
…
Pin-pointing why exactly dating Apps don’t work for you can be hard. Especially when it’s a lot harder for you to find someone offline.
But you can always manage your expectations.
As they say, the best things happen when you least expect it. And I 100% agree with that.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Albert Oliveira on Unsplash
