Picture this: you’re walking down the street minding your own business, and then—BAM! There she is. The most beautiful woman in the world crosses your path.
You thought you had your day planned out. But now, seeing this woman has made you reconsider every decision you’ve ever made in your life. You aren’t sure if you’re supposed to talk to her, or go run a marathon from the sudden burst of adrenaline you feel in your body.
Why does this happen? What causes these incredibly powerful feelings? Why is it that feelings of doubt and insecurity come out at the exact wrong time when it comes to meeting women?
The answer is, projection.
We project onto her that she has some magical power that will solve all our problems. We project that she’s the answer we’re looking for. Her beauty can make us happy. We begin to assume everything about her.
She must be awesome! She must be incredible to be around! THAT’S who would make me happy. I MUST KNOW HER!
A lot of the emails I get ask how to get over fear of rejection and how to be more confident. The biggest hang up guys experience is the projection they put onto the woman they want to meet. We compare ourselves to her, make snap judgements about how we aren’t worthy, or claim now isn’t a good time to talk to her.
If I were to take a look at the tapes that play in your head, they probably look something like this.
Oh wow, she is incredibly beautiful, maybe I should go talk to her. Wait… what am I thinking? I don’t deserve someone like her. I’m not rich / attractive / funny enough. Plus, she probably wants a guy that has X / Y / Z. Maybe someday I’ll be confident enough.
I thought like this for years. It still comes up if I’m not being mindful.
Today, I want you to take one step toward slaying the demon inside your mind. The demon wants to keep you trapped and not have the life you want. The demon wants you to fall in line, follow the rules, and be just like everyone else. Safe, bored, and controlled by fear.
1. You’re the star of your own movie
Joe Rogan has a good analogy for creating the life you want. He says your life is a movie, and you’re the hero.
The first scene of the movie is this moment right now. Right now your back is against the wall. You know you want more confidence; you want to be able to talk to that girl, but you aren’t there yet. What would the hero do? What would be his training montage for getting better?
You can also begin with the ending. How do you want your movie to end? Is it with a beautiful woman by your side, who makes you feel whole? How would the hero get to that point?
2. Accept risk, accept failure
There’s no such thing as a risk-free life. Getting out of bed is a risk. Driving your car is a risk. Posting drunk status updates on Facebook is a risk.
If you are going to ask her out, it’s a risk. She might say yes. She might say no. How can we increase our risk tolerance?
Push your boundaries one percent every day. Say “hi” to her on the street next time you pass. Ask for a 10 percent discount at the coffee shop for no other reason than to just ask. Tell your boss no when you would have said yes in the past.
Break the walls down, one step at a time.
3. “If I was confident, how would I act?”
Next time you feel scared and you want to hide, think to yourself, if I was confident, how would I act?
You don’t even have to follow through with whatever your answer is. The point is to open up your mind to see new possibilities. I believe we all have the blueprint inside of us for how to handle every situation.
Somewhere in your life you decided that your painful past was going to dictate your present day actions. Today is a new day, how would you act if you were confident?
4. Someday you will be dead
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” ~Steve Jobs
I use my death as a big motivator in my life. I know that it’s cool to say, live like it’s your last day but let’s be real no one does that. Especially not the people taking the time to post quotes like that on their Instagram.
What death is good at is helping us strip away the bullshit. If you knew you were going to die soon, would you talk to her, or would you let her walk by?
Today is the first day of your movie. You get to decide what happens next.
Photo credit: Getty Images