Love can be a fleeting feeling
If we could isolate the actual ingredients needed to create and ensure lasting love, we could actually compete, win, and be guaranteed wonderful, everlasting, romances.
Imagine if there were magical words or physical moves that could guarantee mutual attraction.
We’ve become so materialistically groomed to desire, chase, acquire, and keep things, we cannot fathom the idea of someone losing their love and desire for us — our ego can’t process the pain…certainly not in advance.
Love contests
We’ve all heard the phrase, “I will compete for your love.” Shows like The Bachelor, for example, break down and tease out the elements of romance…How’s the conversation going? Is he a good kisser?…
Maybe the next craze in dating apps will be a competitive forum — sort of a virtual, non-lethal, sexual, Hunger Games where you swipe until you’ve “killed” all the other suitors — the last two alive are stuck with each other…aroused by the carnage.
Maybe the new wearable, technological devices will include a feature that constantly measures our pheromones and dopamine levels, and alerts us when the love and passion in our relationship or marriage are dying out.
Sort of a “Prepare for your relationship to spontaneously combust” warning.
Imagine being in the middle of making love and getting a voice notification, “Immediately following this physical encounter, you will no longer love the person you just bought two burial plots overlooking a lake because you thought you’d spend eternity together.”
When our measurable biological markers give us away — our own hearts will betray us with a pulse too weak to be defined as love.
Maybe future tech will get so accurate at predicting exactly how long a particular love is going to last, that relationships and marriages will come with predetermined expiration dates.
Couples could plan to remain together until their predetermined marriage licenses expire. You can reply for a renewal, but most won’t. The technology will never be wrong; when it says the love is gone….it’s gone.
It’s impossible to predict the future
If I told you when you were a child that over the course of your life you would fall in, and out, of love many times and that each time would feel so much like the real thing you’d bet your own life on it. You’d think I was crazy — you might even be afraid to love at all.
Right now, millions of couples are having this kind of conversation:
“I will love you forever.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know….I can feel it.”
And then a year later having this kind of conversation:
“Well, we tried our best.”
“I know.”
“Do you still love me?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then why are we breaking up?”
“Things just change.”
Why chase an invisible feeling?
Imagine a conversation between a human and an alien from another planet:
“What is love?”
“Love is a sensation and desire to be with somebody so deeply — emotionally and physically — you feel like it will last forever.”
“Does it last forever?”
“Usually not.”
“How long does it last?”
“Until it dies.”
“What makes it die?”
“Who knows?”
“What makes it appear?”
“Who knows?”
“So, you humans chase something called “love” which is invisible, unpredictable, and oftentimes fleeting. Once you feel this love thing, you assume it will last forever and therefore make foolish promises that end up ruining your life.”
“That’s correct.”
Perhaps like a rubber band stretched too tightly, the heart only has so much elasticity
Maybe our heart truly does swell when we’re in love and shrink when love subsides.
Maybe we only get so many swings at the love bat and after 2, 3, or 4 breakups, our heart loses its ability to ever trust again.
Why can’t we love at the moment? Why do we expect love to last forever?
In some religions, they avoid spelling out the whole name of God and instead abbreviate it like G-d, because there is no word to describe his magnificence. When we say we love someone, it may feel sincere, but there are no words capable of adequately capturing something so strong.
Maybe we should spell it “L-ove.”
Love is so strong and powerful and indescribably meaningful it doesn’t make sense to try and put it into words — there are none.
When you tell someone you love them, it is your best attempt at expressing how you feel at the moment.
Maybe love is so unbelievably cosmic and universal and fundamental that we can never fully experience it. Perhaps that’s why we’re chasing it so vigorously and endlessly, despite being beaten over the head with heartbreak, over and over.
Perhaps this is why we chase love because we can never achieve it, capture it, own it, or predict its lifespan.
Maybe those of us who have experienced deep behind the eyes, innocent, spiritual, profound love should consider ourselves lucky to have come as close as a human can to the meaning of life itself.
We think of heaven as this dreamy, palatial, 5-star hotel where we live like royalty forever.
Maybe heaven is love.
Maybe like God, love is just too complicated to wrap our earthly heads around.
Maybe love is not meant to be understood, just experienced.
Love is not like anything else — It cannot be described, tasted, seen, smelled, or touched.
There is no analytical reason love has to whipsaw us from extreme euphoria to utter despair without reason or warning.
My hopeful theory is that the reason our heart gets so battered and shattered is that it is our most vital organ.
Maybe after we give our heart away we’re simply along for the ride, helpless to control our own, or our lover’s, emotions or feelings.
Love makes no sense, yet without it…life makes no sense.
Maybe heaven is a combination of all the true love we’ve ever felt — at its best.
A conglomeration of people who, for every reason, or none at all, whisper sweet words into our ears, hold us as if we matter, are kind, and kiss us into a state of practical hallucination.
Can the heart be worn out from too many love shocks?
One badly broken heart is all the shock it takes to never love again. But even one true love — requited or not — is enough to get a taste of heaven.
In the end, love is a park bench and a sunset…a feeling…an uncontrollable vibe.
Whatever it is, I hope it lasts forever…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash