Grandchildren everywhere are disputing the idea that grandparents are not computer savvy.
They insist grandparents are TOO technologically astute, to the exclusion of being the indulgent, overly-involved, affectionate people and playmates they are supposed to be for their grandbabies.
One grandchild, aged 3, was overheard telling his grandmother, as she went further and further down an internet rabbit hole, while he was attempting to crawl into her lap,
“I wish there was no such thing as computers.”
Of course, this was prior to him receiving his own, but that’s not the point.
Grandchildren report that grandparents are so engrossed in their screens that they barely move for hours.
Not only are they not getting urgently needed exercise, but some grandchildren report having to check their grandparents for a pulse. They could hold a mirror to their mouths to check for breath, but there’s not enough room between Mimi’s and Pop’s faces and their phones to fit a mirror.
As a result of grandparents whose faces are constantly hidden behind computer screens, and whose chins are permanently doubled from looking down at their phones, grandchildren are devising new screen time rules for their elders.
Grandparents are only allowed 30 minutes of screen time when grandchildren are visiting. They may choose when to use their 30 minutes, but grandchildren strongly suggest they do it while the grandchildren are watching “Bluey.”
When grandparents are visiting grandchildren, they will be allowed two hours of screen time, because grandchildren have their own lives in their own homes.
However, grandparents must interrupt their own screen time at the demand of any grandchild who needs attention immediately, such as playing a video game with them or watching a kid’s movie. These activities will not count against the grandparents’ screen time.
Grandparents will be allowed unlimited screen time after the grandchildren are asleep. The grandchildren agree that they won’t be needed then, although they must remain on call for glasses of water, retrieval of snuggies, one last story, or tucking back in after a bathroom visit.
Also, the grandchildren point out, grandparents usually nod off first anyway. Into their screens, during their screen time limits.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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