I heard your voice today.
It plays in my head on repeat sometimes.
You were the best.
Funny and loud and sweet and brilliant all wrapped into one.
I can hear you sometimes, “Sissy, you’ve got this.”
Every challenge seems bigger now, though, Bubba.
I don’t think I’ve got this.
I spent a lot of time feeling alone over the course of my life, but never has the emptiness literally felt like it could swallow me out of existence.
Till the world was emptied of you.
The hole you left is always on my heels, waiting to absorb me and snuff the breath from my body.
You’re still my first hero, Bubba.
You always will be.
I remember when I was little and I was pretty positive you could have walked on water, and the only reason you didn’t was because you didn’t want to.
I spent so many years wishing I could be like you.
And then, as we got older, wishing I could spend more time with you.
And I never stopped believing in you or thinking you could walk on water if you just decided to, Bubba.
Not in any of the years, even the ones you got lost in and couldn’t find your way back out for a while.
I was still right here, holding the place my heart created for you before I can even remember it forming.
I love you forever.
I miss you so much.
I’m sorry I let you down.
Love, your Little Rosebud.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Edward Cisneros on Unsplash
