We’ve all been there, you’re at a party or a gathering of friends and acquaintances, and no matter how badly you want to be noticed, you’re just not. Maybe you’re too shy to say anything of substance, or you’re just chronically overlooked for all the substance you’re speaking, but you don’t know why?
If this resonates and you want to learn how to become the person who controls the room with dynamic, confident flair instead of being ignored by everyone present, read on.
You ready?
Here come the pain!
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1 – Your vibe is everything
The first thing to know is that it’s not about what you say; it’s about who you are. That’s what matters most. Two people can say the same thing and get completely different results because of how they say it. Only 7% of your communication comes from the words you say, 38% comes from your tone of voice, and 55% comes from your body language. This means that if you want to control the room, you need to focus more on how you’re speaking rather than what you’re saying.
Now this essentially means being as confident as possible. Believe in your words, and hold yourself like a king and a champion. Automatically assume that what you say is excellent and that people will benefit. Have a self-assured vibe, and constantly say positive things to yourself in your head. Don’t put yourself down.
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2 – People are scared & need your help
You’re not the only person who is scared. Everybody is scared. When you’re out at a party or any other social engagement, everyone there looks to others to give them cues on what they should be and do. They look like they have it together because they’re good at hiding their fear, like you.
And you know what? If you allow people to have fun, you will control the room, and they will love you. But how do you do that? You have fun yourself. The energy created when someone enjoys themselves like a child is beautiful, and people want to be close to it.
So, by putting your fears to one side, and being the best version of yourself, by ignoring what’s going on in your head, and just focusing on having fun, by being in the moment in the environment, seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and experiencing everything that’s going on around you, and allowing that to take you wherever it does, you will do amazingly well.
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3 – Own who you are, it’s magnetic
Do you like video games? If so, talk about it. Do you like history? Talk about it. Whatever it is that makes you you, be that. To be your most magnetic self, you need to be authentically you because if you’re not, the light of your true personality isn’t going to shine the way it should.
Please don’t be ashamed of who you are; take pride in it.
There are billions of people on this planet; only one is you. You’re unique. Original. An impossibly rare collector’s item. Treat yourself as such.
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4 – Someone needs to lead & you’re someone
To control the room, you have to be brave enough to leave the room, and what that means is that you need to be a leader, not a follower. So let me explain what I mean. In any social situation, there’s usually someone leading and someone else following, and groups are no different.
The leader is the one who brings up new conversational topics, pulls other people into the conversation, and essentially dictates the flow. To control the room, you need to have the confidence to do this. It would be best if you took the chance to guide the interaction. If you’re too scared to change the topic of conversation, tell a joke that might be risqué, or even speak loudly and look everyone in the eye, you’ll fail.
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5 – Have a frame stronger than Wonder Woman’s thighs
Your frame is your view of the world. It is what you think reality is. So if you have two people, one who thinks men are terrible and the other who thinks women are worthless, those are their frames. Now if they come head-to-head in a discussion or debate, their respective views, or frames, will battle.
However, the person with the stronger frame will win and become dominant. Once that happens, it’ll be clear to everyone present who’s won because the loser will capitulate and fall into the dominant one’s frame.
Your frame needs to be stronger than everybody else’s. If you are the person in the room with the strongest frame, you will find that everybody else in that room will come along to your way of thinking pretty quickly and follow your lead. Now the way that you will build your frame is by following the exercises in the mindset module.
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6 – Ignore your failures, they didn’t happen
The main reason why people are scared in social situations is because they don’t want to make a mistake and be ostracised, but the truth is that mistakes aren’t that big of a deal. If you make a joke that doesn’t land, it’s only as bad as you make it out to be. People have short memories,
So if that happens, just let it slide and tell another one. If your first joke doesn’t work, tell another one. If that one doesn’t land, let it roll off your back like water from a duck, it’s really not that big of a deal. You see, the point is this, what messes people up is that in social situations, they won’t put themselves out there for fear of rejection and, as a result, look either strange, weird or just unnoticeable.
They try something, it fails, and they will shrink into their shells. But that is silly, be you, and if you tell a poor joke or say something people don’t appreciate, it doesn’t matter. If you can laugh about it, they will too.
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7 – Let your passion ooze from every orifice
People like to think they’re logical creatures, but they’re not. They’re incredibly emotional, and if you want to lead the room, your emotions are a fantastic way of doing it.
But what do I mean? Well, here’s an example. If you really love something, anything, let your love for that thing shine through. If you absolutely adore the cinematography in Game of Thrones, tell the entire room how you love Game of Thrones.
Speak at length and passionately about the artistic choices, the music, the direction, and the extreme close-up camera angles on the faces of characters as they’re going through intense grief, regret, or anger. Let your love for all that shine through.
Take people away on a journey. Shepherd them along on a voyage of discovery. Do not be afraid to show them the full extent of your love and passion for whatever you love and are passionate about.
And there you have it. 7 tips to be the most confident mother freaker in the room. Enjoy.
Chaos is a ladder,
Excelsior,
Ciaran
If you got value from this then follow me on Medium for updates on my 2x daily posts. Also, get my free ebook 5 Keys to Unstoppable Confidence.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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