Do you know that feeling when you come home from a pretty epic date, ask for the next one, and all of a sudden, the other person says:
“Sorry, it just doesn’t feel right. It has nothing to do with you.”
Maybe you’ve been seeing each other for a while which makes these words even more hurtful.
You keep ruminating in your head: Was there something I shouldn’t have said? Was my laughter maybe a bit too creepy today? Should I have crossed my right leg over the left one instead of the other way around?
Do these thoughts sound familiar to you?
Rejection hurts and it is real. Research has found, that when you get rejected, the same areas in your brain are activated as if you actually experienced physical pain.
Here are 4 ways to reframe rejection into something positive and efficiently combat your ruminating thoughts.
1. The Other Person Already Made The Right Decision For You
“Rejection is not someone wanting you out of their life — rejection is someone that your higher power wanted out of your future.”
I know what you are thinking right now: how can she know it was the right decision specifically for me?
Well, that’s very easy to answer.
If another person doesn’t want to be with you, it is also best for you not to forcefully keep them in your life.
When you get rejected, simply ask yourself the question:
- Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
You will save the rest of your life trying to convince someone why they should want to be with you if they initially never wanted to.
I’m sure you agree with me that it cannot be the basis for any functioning relationship that your partner had to be convinced to be together with you.
Therefore, by being rejected, the other person already made the right decision for you. A decision, you should have taken anyway — sooner or later.
The right person will feel the same way you feel about them which always means: they want to be with you and won’t reject you.
2. It Can Mirror What Areas In Yourself Need Work
Maybe you are hurt not only about the rejection itself but about the specific person that rejected you.
If you seem to have a history of being rejected by your dates, ask yourself:
- What do the people that reject me have in common?
- What do I hope these people can give to me that I cannot give to myself?
For instance, in my past, I always aimed at dating very attractive guys.
If they kept dating me, I thought that was proof that I am worth something: “Look, this hot person wants to be with me so that means I am worthy.”
On the other hand, when I was rejected by those kinds of people, I used it as evidence against myself for “not being enough”.
The truth was, I didn’t think I was worthy nor lovable myself.
We come up with various possible reasons for their rejection which in fact are all reasons we give to reject ourselves.
Imagine the person who just rejected you is holding a mirror against your face. What can you see in yourself that you need to work on?
Next time, view rejection as a gift — someone just opened your eyes to an area of yours that needs improvement and only you can change that.
3. You Save Time And Effort
“A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise.”
— Zig Ziglar
We all know the situation when you go on a date and you already know after 2 minutes that this person is not gonna be the one for you.
Maybe that’s exactly what happened to the person who just rejected you.
Most of us would have been too worried about hurting the other person. Out of politeness, we would have probably kept talking to them or even met them a few more times.
Let me tell you this straight: if the person didn’t tell you right away that they don’t want to be with you, they would have only wasted your precious time.
Think of rejection as something valuable that eased up space and time in your calendar for someone you should actually put the work in.
Putting someone on hold is never the right decision only because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
Why would you rather want someone to lie to you instead of being honest right away?
By being rejected sooner than later, you get the chance to refocus your thoughts on yourself instead of what meme you are going to send next to them.
4. Rejection Means Redirection
“In every NO from someone is a YES to someone better.”
— Nick Vujicic
When being rejected, you instinctively want to convince the other person that they are wrong and try to change their mind.
You so stubbornly want to pursue a certain path that you forget that there are many other paths out there.
Therefore, view rejection as being brought back on the right track — the path that was always meant for you anyways.
It’s as simple as that: A person who cannot appreciate you is not the right person for you — therefore, you are only being redirected to someone much more suitable.
“You are the right person for the right person to appreciate you.” — Susan J. Elliott
Rejection itself can be a great reminder for you to stop chasing what is not made for you.
It teaches you to reject someone who was never meant for you and would not do you any good anytime in the future.
So, fall in love with the “NO” and trust the process that with every rejection, you are one step closer to someone who can see the true beauty in you.
“Rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough, it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.”
— Mark Amend
Rejection from a date is painful and it makes you doubt your own actions and behavior.
However, if reframed in the right way, you will be thankful for a clear rejection and it can become a very valuable friend.
Next time you get rejected, remember:
- Somebody else just made the right decision for you
- You save time and effort
- It mirrors what areas you need to work on
- You are being redirected to someone better
This post was previously published on Medium.
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