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Some of you know I see a therapist every week. Every. Single. Week. She’s absolutely brilliant, and she understands that mental health treatment isn’t like other types of medicine. In addition to the chemical component, there must also be a holistic approach to healing, that there has to be more than the pills we swallow daily. The trust component of our relationship took a while to build, and just like the rest of my life, it’s a work in progress.
There are two key things I need you all to focus on in that last sentence. Relationship and Work. Seeing a therapist is much like dating them. It’s a give and take and requires effort to maintain from both parties. If you aren’t present and honest, nothing good will come of the dynamic, there will be little if any progress towards what is likely a shared goal.
So why today? Because yesterday we lost another icon, and every day we lose hundreds more. Veterans. Artists. Family. Friends. The nameless faces of the homeless and addicted we pass on the street. Kids. Teens. Nobody is immune.
What does that have to do with my Jedi Warrior therapist?
One of the things I love about seeing her is that we discuss treatment across a wide band of the population, and yesterday was no exception. Sure, there was time to discuss my job, my dating life, and whether or not I was actively or passively suicidal this past week. But we can also discuss things outside the voices in my head. In addition to the client-practitioner dynamic, there’s also, in my case, a social dynamic that I require. It’s a part of the connection I need that helps in my healing.
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She treats me as an equal in that regard, as a professional with respect to developments in evidence based treatment practices because she respects my intellect and passion for helping and learning. She beamed when I spoke of wanting a graduate degree in clinical psychology, and a part of me loves her for that (for the record, I’d feel the same way about a male therapist if he treated me that way, so get your minds out of the gutter. Dating, hitting on, or otherwise socializing with your therapist is a big no no).
Over the course of the past few sessions, we’ve spoken of a few realizations I’ve had and how those epiphanies can impact treatment for people. To professionals and perhaps even some lay people, they may not seem like much or not come as a surprise. However, I think that changing our perception of mood disorders will impact tremendously our ability to cope with and treat them.
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In western culture, we are raised on a steady diet of violence.
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In western culture, we are raised on a steady diet of violence. We rarely speak of pacifism, and it shows in how we treat mental illness. It’s a struggle, battle, war or prison. The language we use creates a division within us, a conflict that isn’t easily resolved.
The problem with treating mood disorders like Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression, in such a way is that war creates casualties. The battlefields are littered with the dead and wounded, and when the combatants exist within our own minds, there can never be a winner. We cannot reconcile two warring factions within our heads without the destruction of what makes us who we are.
I was treating my Depression as an alien that had invaded my mind and begun to consume me from the inside out. I could not accept that the voices I heard in my head were my own. If they were mine, what kind of person must I be to hate myself that much? I had to be better than that other part of me, to best it, pummel it into submission.
Now I’ve chosen to accept those voices as my own, as a part of me. My efforts have moved from battling them until one of us ceases to exist to redirecting their efforts into something more beneficial. I embrace them, invite them in, accept them for what they are and try to steer them in a direction that will be helpful to me. It isn’t easy, and that road is perilous at best, but this change in tactics has brought me significantly closer to peace. I am experiencing a calm in parts of my life that I have never felt before and it is refreshing. There is no magic bullet to treating mental illness, but if we can change our language and perception, the potential for vast improvement in our ability to cope is endless.
We, the consumers of mental wellness services, face a daunting task when we need to find help. My first therapist was useless, and my guess is that the assembly line nature of his practice burned him out and left him without the capacity to continue in an effective manner. He had all the paper on the wall, but there was no substance the his approach. He’d often tell me to read a certain book, or point to a chapter. We even discussed his bathroom remodeling needs. It felt like I was supporting and validating him while I was spiraling further into depression.
I know that informal groups exist where practitioners can discuss treatment approaches, and the best therapists and psychiatrists utilize resources like that for personal growth and to benefit their clients. However, there exists no continuing education requirement, no oversight board for determining the quality of care being provided, and no way to hold a therapist accountable for poor care. Sure, one can complain to the licensing board of their state, but in most instances, nothing will come of that.
There are evidence based treatment options available. We know what works. We know people can be helped. There will always be an element of instinct and art to those drawn to a therapy practice. But shouldn’t we also be driving the field in a direction that requires the responsible use of those instincts and the evidence? Shouldn’t we require therapists to undergo continuing education, just as we do teachers? When lives are literally at stake, I’d like to think that pushing for reform is something both practitioner and patient/client can support. But then how would they get paid to receive advice about how to remodel their bathrooms?
That’s why I continue to see my own therapist. She gets all of those things, understands how to walk the line, how important the connection and relationship is to the well being of the client and the practitioner. If you’re seeing someone for help and you aren’t getting that, it’s time to ask yourself who is benefitting from your time there. If it isn’t you, perhaps the moment to move on has arrived. After all, there are still Jedis among us. I know, I found one.
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Photo credit: Getty Images