I’m a generous spender. I like spending money on quality stuff– clothes, jewelry, cologne, home decor, cars, etc. I also like exquisite cuisines. In fact, 20 percent of my monthly budget goes to food. I dine at expensive hotels a lot when I’m on vacay. I also like giving classy and authentic gifts.
To cut my expenses I keep a separate credit card with a minimum amount for travel. I limit my spending to 30 percent on the credit card plus bonuses which would be around 40 percent.
I like experiencing life to the fullest. When I date, I choose people with similar lifestyles as mine. So stingy people are a no no for me.
One time I dated a frugal was in my second year. He was kind, smart and funny. Intelligent men are attractive and this one had me hooked. At first, I didn’t notice he was frugal because we would pay for stuff by ourselves.
If we went shopping, I would pay for my items and he would pay for his. We started as just friends. Probably why I had no expectation of him going out on a whim for me.
But when we went on a trip, he chose one of the cheapest motels in the area. It was our one-year anniversary and he wanted to surprise me. He insisted he would make the preparation himself. He said he wanted to show me how much he loved me so I should just show up at the location.
When I arrived, I noticed the room had cotton but no windows. The floor was broken, and the bathroom wall was dirty. Next to our room, the guests were so noisy and loud that you would think they were just in the next room.
I was afraid the bed might be infested with bedbugs. The whole place was appalling. I told him I couldn’t stay in that place. He tried to sound cool saying the place isn’t as bad as it looked.
Was he kidding me?
Anyway, I was a broke student so even if I wanted us to go somewhere nicer, I couldn’t afford it.
On our supposedly anniversary dinner date, he took me to the bar of the same motel and ordered chicken wings and beer. I didn’t know what to say. He made me wear my cutest gown only to sit among gangsters in a ghetto neighborhood.
Mind you this guy was working and earning good money. He wasn’t a student and I knew he wasn’t broke. I found out later that he had rich parents who had their own hospital in New Orleans.
After the dinner date, which I barely ate because I was uncomfortable, he wanted us to go see a movie. He said it was close and we could stroll to the cinema. We started walking, but the farther we went the more exhausted I became. My heels were hurting. When I asked how far we still had to go, he said we were almost there.
Then it occurred to me to check Google Maps. The cinema was 32 km away and we still had like 22 km to walk. I told him I won’t go any further. The date was already ruined before it began. There was no point in trying to impress me or hurt myself any more than I was.
Now getting back to the motel was another problem. The guy wouldn’t pay for a bus and was expecting me to walk back to the motel despite my bruised feet.
At this point, I removed the 5-inch stiletto I borrowed from a friend and walked as fast as a hungry lion back to where we were staying.
I had little money on me I kept in case of an emergency so I reserved it for my train ticket back to Texas. As we got into our room, I started packing.
I cried all night and he said nothing. He showed no remorse, but I knew he was very angry I had ruined the surprise he planned for me.
I left for the train station before he woke up and we never spoke again after that day.
Let’s be clear here. I understand the need to save money and I have good money management, but when someone has to walk 20,000 steps to save $10 on a bus fair, I feel revolted.
Being frugal isn’t healthy when you have to deny yourself basic human necessities. And honesty, that kind of people make the worst partners.
They don’t care about being a gentleman. They only care about saving every cent in their pocket. They will embarrass you anywhere to prove their point that money should be micro-managed.
It may seem attractive to have a partner who is responsible with their money. But after some time you will get frustrated when your friends are going out to dinners and you are home Netflixing and chilling on a cushion every day because your partner doesn’t want to spend a dime on activities he considers useless.
If you’re dating a frugal guy be ready to go dutch (split bills) on every single expense. When the guy I talked about made me pay my bills on snacks like ice cream and doughnuts, he would use funny jokes to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal if I was buying myself lunch.
Or when he suggested he I buy food ingredients while he cooks. I didn’t see a red flag there, either. I’m someone who doesn’t like freeloading off people. I don’t like accepting gifts or favors I won’t reciprocate. That’s why I ignored the frugal energy in the guy.
But now, I’m more intentional when I date. On first dates, I expect the guy to pay because I want to see how much of a gentleman he is. If his manners are off, there won’t be a second date. And even if there is, it will probably be me who initiates so I can reciprocate any expenses he made on me on the previous date.
Although chivalry is slowly dying out of fashion, I’m one of the few who still expects a man to shower her with flowers and kindness. Men who don’t impress women on the first date are usually the ones who don’t value their partner’s opinion.
Frugal people manipulate others using guilt trips. The annoying thing about the frugal guy I dated was that he didn’t just control how he spent his money, he also tried to control how I spent mine.
When I wanted to buy something, he would calculate how much I would spend on the item and how often I would use it to ascertain if it was worth buying or not. There was a time when I wanted to buy a hot iron from my neighbor who just opened a salon in our area.
I asked my frugal boyfriend to escort me to pick it up. As usual, he asked how much I was buying the hot iron and I said $35. He screamed. He said it was too expensive and that I would get a fairly used one for $20 less.
I prefer new ones when it comes to electrical appliances. I explained to him why I wanted a new one. I had already saved the money for it and had asked my neighbor to reserve one for me a month earlier.
He refused to follow me to that salon because he thought I was spending money frivolously. I ignored his rants and went by myself to pick the hot iron. And frankly, that hot iron served me for years before I gave it to my cousin.
He also made me stop doing my nails at the salon. Sometimes, I get lazy and book a manicure session on weekdays. But this guy decided to do my nails instead of allowing me to spend on unnecessary luxury as he would call it. And he was really good at cleaning and painting my nails. He was versatile and did most of his electrical and carpentry work himself.
If you are looking for a 50/50 partnership, a frugal guy should be your best match. Unfortunately, behind their vivacious cute face may be a controlling penny pincher who will turn you into a miserable wretch in the long run.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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