Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With Your Ex

I kept in touch with my ex for months after we broke up. It remained one of the worst moments in my life.

I regretted the decision because turned out, forgiving someone who cheated on you isn’t that easy.

But I kept him around because I didn’t want him or his friends to judge me. I wanted to play the “nice girl that everyone loves” so badly that it destroyed my well-being.

We all know being friends with your ex is a bad idea.

In case you’re wondering why, I’ll list down some valid reasons for you.

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The main obvious reason: it holds you back from moving on

Many people underestimate the no-go contact after breaking up with their ex because of various reasons.

Some are afraid to be seen as rude and others think they keep the ex because they still care.

But what’s in it for you really? I don’t mean to be cold but think about it.

Do you really want to keep someone who hurt you so badly in the past and act like you’re such a great friend now?

Even being an acquaintance isn’t something that your ex deserves.

This applies especially to those who got cheated on or lied to yet still choose to keep their ex around. I’ve been there and I’m not gonna lie, it could be tempting.

In your darkest nights, you’d start thinking if it’s possible to glue all broken pieces together.

Keeping your ex around when you knew deep down it’s making your life like hell can make you vulnerable to more pain.

Without you knowing it, 2 years pass by and you’re still stuck in the same cycle of “forgetting your ex”.

You won’t have the space to heal from the heartbreak completely

In case you need to hear it today, the relationship is over for a reason.

Whether or not you’ll get back together in the future, it’s something you shouldn’t worry about for now.

People worry too much that if they cut off their ex completely, they would regret it.

“What if they truly changed and want to make it right with me again? — said so many girls.

It’s crazy how what’s so-called “love” can turn us into someone who’s so reckless. You’re so ready to drop everything the moment they change.

But what about your broken heart? Doesn’t it deserve its own time to heal? And you’ll never have the time and space for it if you’re still in touch with your ex.

Things between me and my ex weren’t truly over until I moved out of the city and restart a completely new job.

So give yourself that space — you needed it more than anything.

The relationship status might change but in your heart, it’s still not over yet

Being in a relationship means you get used to the habit of having someone else to care about.

And that’s hard to break especially when you’ve been with this person for years.

That’s why when the relationship is over, you need to go no-contact for at least a while so your mind can adjust to the new reality.

The reason why people can’t move on even after years of trying is that they don’t really want to cut off their ex — not even for a couple of months.

Trust me, your ex isn’t going anywhere. You can always rekindle the relationship later but you may not get your time back.

It’s easy to tell yourself to move on when all your friends are there cheering you on. But it’s a lot harder when it’s 1 AM and you’re feeling down about life.

Loneliness and desperation can take control of your mind. You won’t think much of the consequences when your ex is still one call away.

But if you already removed their contact and block their socials, what could you do?

The option is no longer running to your ex but some other way.

If it’s a closure that you need then you’re just wasting your time

I waited years for my ex to admit that he cheated on me.

Although all the proofs were there, he still denied it. I thought I’d only be able to move on if I got that closure from him.

Maybe even an apology?

Ugh. How desperate.

I wish I didn’t wait for so long. Because now I realized a closure can come from within. Just getting through all the heartaches and finally accepting it as it is is more than enough.

Keeping your ex around just to make them realize how much damage they cause you isn’t only a waste of time but it can potentially hurt you more.

You’ll still care about them and who they date. You still talk to them thinking “We’re just friends now” while in your mind, it’s not that simple.

You still hold a lot of resentments and who’s suffering here? Definitely not your ex.

So let this be a reminder that you don’t need to wait for closure. Cut your ex off from your contact list. Move out of your comfort zone for once. Travel the world solo if you can.

Do whatever it takes to heal your heartbreak so you can restart your life. At the end of the day, you deserve a new chapter.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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