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My past
I wish I could erase all of the traumatic memories, disappointment, and tragedy from my brain. My partner attempted to soothe me relentlessly. I had a quiet moment before returning to engage with my partner. During this time, I meditated; I listened to inspirational content. I was doing it again; reminiscing about my failure, my past relationship history and how far I’ve come. I’ve been on repeat since I started dating this wonderful individual.
My Realization
Reassurance seems to piece me back together over time. Forehead kisses provide safety and sweetness for me to grow in. I’ve come to realize one fact about my life that I can’t erase: Trauma changed me. I reached out to therapists and friends. I read some of the best self-help books and did yoga. Nothing could prepare me for the beauty/horror of getting into a relationship when I had all of this brokenness cluttering up my heart.
Self Forgiveness restored me
I recently embraced forgiveness as my healing mantra. The emotional trauma wasn’t my fault, but my healing as a result; is my responsibility. Nowadays, my outlook has since shifted to more of a let love in and less he will leave me. I feel like I am blooming again. The flower of my past wilted as I learned it’s lessons. I took a vow that I would be a better version of myself and that my trauma doesn’t get to dictate my future. I get to take my power back.
Even on days where I am a hot mess; I am stronger than ever! I set my goal to heal so that I could offer myself to the man who captured my heart. Meditation helps me to practice self forgiveness. I gave myself self love to myself so much you would have thought I got it tattooed on my forehead by now. You have to do what works best for you.
The power of vulnerability
Allowing my partner in was so very difficult for the first couple of months. My vulnerability, his sacred space that he would create for me, and the love we share; made everything worth it. My vulnerability was attractive to him and he still encourages me to do this day to keep it up. I’m used to being in my own head so translating my thoughts to him created friction at times. I’m thankful to be on this healing journey, thorns and all.
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