Chasing dreams is tough!
I know, thanks for the newsflash captain obvious over here. I am like the weather guy predicting rain when it is raining; however, some of us need to be reminded.
It’s obvious, but it’s true. Not only is chasing dreams that you have in your mind difficult, but goals that you really want bring with them a certain amount of pressure. Add to the pressure of a dream and throw in a dash of being married and having kids, and the strain can be about as fun as a headache while your kids are watching Barney, the stupid purple dinosaur, in the background.
(loving, not fighting)
Pressure can bring about great good, however; it can cause you and your wife to fight at midnight about absolutely nothing when all you really want to do is go to sleep so you can feel half human in the morning. This is just an extreme example; that’s never happened to me or anything.
The key for you and your dream is embracing pressure and not turning it into a damaging event. There is only one way in which my bride and I have thrived while chasing dreams, and that is by committing to being a household of grace. A house of grace turns fights into discussions and misunderstandings into…well, misunderstandings instead of ugly cry moments.
Sounds great, right? Getting sleep instead of hugging the edge of the king-sized bed just to prove you’re still mad, you can actually sleep on the whole bed and not have to apologize for being an idiot in the morning.
Know thy spouse
I don’t know why my titles are King James Version but bear with me. When we get married we have made a commitment to love and care for our spouse, and the only way we can do that is by studying them and how they work. My wife, in heated discussions, has a tendency to avoid. She will go to the other room if I am being too aggressive.
How does your spouse react when in a confrontation? If you don’t know maybe have a conversation about it. Not to fix them but to discover them.
Be curious in your understanding of your partner.
Know thy self
How do you normally react? In an argument I get aggressive. If I feel like you don’t hear what I am saying I will get louder, because volume works, right?
In my heart, I am honestly wanting to come to understanding and one of the worst things you can do when I am in this mode is shut down on me and leave the room. I don’t know what insecurity that hits in my heart, but it feels like leaving me alone. Do you know how you tend to respond and why?
Commit to meet in thy middle
So I’m aggressive and my wife is passive. It could be a dangerous combination, except it’s not. She lets me know when I am making her feel attacked and she wants to leave the room. I let her know when she leaves it makes me feel rejected.
Then we can fight fair with respect. How do you meet your spouse in the middle? One sure fire test I ask myself is do I care about the relationship more than being right? Remember to meet your spouse where they are at. It can be one of the most loving and grace-filled things you can do.
Ok, even with this awesome advice you and I will still screw up! When you commit to being a household of grace you commit to forgiveness and repentance. Remember that you and your partner are human and humans with pressure create diamonds at some points and junk at others. A moment doesn’t define your marriage or mine, but what happens after the dust settles can be the determining factor.
Chase dreams with your spouse and more than anything communicate how you’re feeling and the pressure you are under so that you can join together instead of drifting apart.
Questions to ponder:
How does your communication style differ from your spouse?
How can you communicate in the way your spouse can hear you better?
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Originally Published on zechariahnewman.com