“I met a girl. She’s pretty, but I don’t think she’s interested in me like that.”
I looked up from my bowl of pasta. It’s a Tuesday night, and I’m out with my boyfriend and his best friend of many years.
Ryan has been single for a while, he’s dated a few girls since moving to Los Angeles, but none of them turned into anything serious.
“Why don’t you think she’s interested in you?” I asked him.
Ryan’s a bright, good-looking guy, has a great job, and he’s kind-hearted. His biggest downfall? He doesn’t know a thing about women.
Ryan: “She just doesn’t act like she’s into me.”
Me: “How is she supposed to act?”
Ryan: “I’m not sure. Like she wants me to make a move?”
Figuring out if a woman likes you can be hard, especially when you’re shy or a little socially awkward when it comes to talking to women. With that in mind, here are a few signs that can help you identify if she’s actually interested in you and what you can do.
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The first and most obvious sign is —
She approaches you.
Back to my conversation with Ryan, he mentioned he met a girl but didn’t think she was interested in him. For context, Ryan met her at the gym, and she asked him to help her remove some weights from a machine.
After he helped her, she asked him what he was training that day, he told her legs, and she said she was also training legs.
Ryan noticed right away that the girl was attractive; in fact, he said he’d noticed her a few times before at the gym. However, instead of trying to prolong the conversation that she had initiated, he told her he’d see her around and went off to finish his workout.
I guarantee that girl felt slightly rejected after putting herself out there.
Most females will not approach a guy at the gym, and most can remove and rerack weights themselves. By coming up to Ryan and asking him for help, she was actively trying to get his attention, and by asking him what he was working out that day, she was trying to start a conversation.
Let’s face it; if she really needed help, she could have asked one of the trainers.
What to do in this situation:
If a girl approaches you first, act normal. Don’t allow your nerves to swallow you up whole. Yes, she’s pretty, yes, your palms might be sweating, yes, you don’t know how to talk to women, but she doesn’t know that.
50% of the job is already done by her coming up to you first; now it’s up to you to make sure she didn’t come up to you for no reason.
What Ryan could have done is say something like, “we should work out together next time; when’s your next leg day?”
That gives you a chance to not only get her number but it ensures that you’ll be seeing her again soon.
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She makes herself available to you.
She’s not free on a Friday night for the sake of being free.
A quality woman would much rather stay in and in the comforts of her own company rather than spend time with someone she’s not interested in.
She’s free because she wants to be available to you.
If she’s getting back to your texts in a timely manner, she’s prioritizing you.
A quality woman will always have something going on in her life. She will always find a way to occupy her time, so if she’s fitting you into her schedule, it’s not random, and it’s not for the sake of killing time, either.
She’s interested.
What to do in this situation:
If you’re interested in her, and she is clearly making time for you, then shoot your shot. Don’t over-complicate it. She’s making herself available to you because she likes you and wants to get to know you.
Ask her when she’s free, pick a time and place, and get to know one another.
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She remembers little details.
You know that feeling when you’re talking to someone, and they say something that stops you in your tracks because they just pointed out something you didn’t think they’d know or remember?
Maybe it’s your birthday, your sister’s name, or your favorite flavor of ice cream. Or maybe they text you good luck because they remember you have an important interview in ten minutes.
If a woman is genuinely interested in you, she’ll hang on to every word you say and remember little details about you.
When I first started talking to my boyfriend, I played 20 questions with him any chance I could because I wanted to know everything about him. He did the same thing, and it made me feel like he was genuinely interested in getting to know me as well.
What to do in this situation:
If she remembers little details about you, especially those minor things you’ve said to her in passing, she’s interested. She wouldn’t invest her energy into learning about you if she wasn’t.
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She’s constantly making eye contact with you.
The barista making eye contact with you when she asks you for your coffee order isn’t a green light.
However, if that barista is constantly smiling at you, holding eye contact, maybe asking you what your plans are for the day, or even remembering your coffee order (if you visit that cafe on a regular basis) — that’s showing interest.
Gauge the situation. Is she being friendly because she’s trying to provide you with good customer service? Or is she actively trying to get your attention?
What to do in this situation:
If you’ve read the room correctly and feel she is trying to get your attention, shoot your shot. Ask her when her shift is over and if she wants to grab drinks later.
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She’s intentional with her body language.
Women will make it extremely obvious if they’re not interested in you — especially with their body language.
No woman will ever be touchy or playful with you if she’s not interested.
Women are intentional when it comes to allowing a guy into her personal space — if she has zero interest in you, there won’t be any “accidental” physical contact.
For example, if she’s being really playful, squeezing your arm, leaning into you, constantly trying to have some form of physical contact — she’s most likely into you.
Women who are uninterested will avoid eye contact, cross their arms, or even look like they’re in a rush because they don’t feel comfortable and want to leave.
What to do in this situation:
Pay attention to what she’s trying to say to you. If you’re sitting next to her and her leg is pressed right up against you, and she’s leaning into you or hugging you for a few seconds too long — shoot your shot. Learn how to assess what a woman wants without her having to spell it out for you.
If she acts like she’d rather be anywhere but your presence, you’ll know.
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To wrap it up –
A few signs to pay attention to if you’re wondering if a woman is interested in you:
- She approaches you and actively tries to have a conversation with you – maybe she’s sliding into your inbox, regardless, she made the move first
- She makes herself available to you
- She remembers little details about you
- She’s constantly maintaining eye contact with you. Maybe you even catch her staring at you a few times
- She’s playful and touchy with you
If she does one or all of the things above, assess the situation, and shoot your shot. Life is too short to overthink these situations.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Vitor Monthay on Unsplash