How Do You Want To Feel on Your Deathbed?

If there is something in one’s life that they are fascinated by or that they wish to experience, it makes sense for one to go in the direction of those things and to experience them. That’s how we normally start our journeys in life.

But there’s another way to approach this. Instead of thinking about what you want to do or what you want to have in the near future, consider how you want to feel when you are moments away from death.

Perhaps the goals look exactly the same. Perhaps not.

For instance, if you have the desire to have a trailer load of money, that’s fair. But if you desire to be around the love of family and friends, you now have to determine if a trailer load of money is the thing that will afford you this warm ending.

That’s not to say money isn’t important, but perhaps strong bonds between you and the people you love is a bit more important. Or maybe it’s just as important as the money.

The point of all of this is that when we think about goals at the start of our lives, they may not be as important during the twilight.

Again, it’s not to say that the present moment is less important than the future, but there may be a tendency for some of us to overvalue the treats of today and to not consider the cavities of tomorrow.

If you want to be at peace on your deathbed, it may be worth looking into the fear of death itself and learning how to honor painful experiences now so that you can have that peace now and later.

If you want to be surrounded by luxury on your deathbed, consider your current financial situation, be someone who finds and takes the opportunities for financial growth. When you do this, you will be surrounded by luxury now and later when it is your time to transition out of this life.

Chances are you’ve seen those posts online about elderly people’s greatest regrets on their deathbed.

If you haven’t seen it, the top five regrets were:

1. Living an authentic life, rather than the life others expected one to live,

2. Not working so hard,

3. The courage to express one’s feelings,

4. Staying in touch with friends, and

5. Choosing to be happier

I don’t believe these issues are specific to a certain generation or era. If anything, these are the same concerns that younger people will also lament about when it is their time to die.

People are just as pressured to say and do certain things, else they evoke the wrath of the community hive-mind. This is an issue in any organization or group that is defined by certain precepts. Once you challenge a belief, they believe you are trying to redefine them which is a threat to their identity.

So as a result, people try to not upset the status quo.

We’ve been in “late stage Capitalism” for over forty years. As countries finally begin to consider the idea of working less to improve mental health, the lengths companies are taking to squeeze a bit more money out of the debt-riddled populace are getting comical.

The regret of not expressing how one feels isn’t just based in fear. It is based in comfort in the known and a brain that is crystallized from learning anything new.

Despite friendship often being the best thing in one’s life when everything else is lagging behind, people still end up taking it for granted anyway. When you’ve enjoyed friendship for a while, you start looking at what you lack. But before you know it, you’ve lost connections and it’ll take work to get them back from both sides.

And when it comes to choosing to be happy, many have probably thought about it but it’s too much of a jump, albeit a positive one. Not to mention the fear of the unknown and the desire to stay with what is known are still very real, even if they are painful.

People have arrived at death in ways that feel like they’ve been cheated out of a good life. Like having to give up your turn when playing a video game, you want another crack at it because you were doing something wrong. But if only you got another chance, you’d do it right this time.

What do you want to feel when you’re done with this realm? Whatever that is, take the actions that match the outcome. The present moment will have its demands that you must attend to, that is for sure. But just like going on a journey, you have to know where you want to go.

What is the psychological and emotional place you want to be when you die?

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Previously Published on medium

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