How Much Am I Worth?

My husband and I were each other’s second spouses. When we met, we fell hard, fast, and all the way. We dove in with reckless abandon, with full confidence that we knew exactly what we wanted and that we were it.

One of the things we wanted was to have kids and for me to stay home with them. We had never had kids and neither of us had ever “stayed home” unless you count flaking on yet another show at yet another venue back when Austin was home and people still sweat together in crowds.

It took us quite a long while to get used to only one of us earning money. It took no time at all for me to feel like I had less say, less leverage, and less power in the household. I’m not saying my husband did anything to make me feel this way. It’s just the way I responded to not receiving a sizable check in exchange for my work.

We argue as all couples do. Money is one of our recurring triggers, as it frequently is for other couples. It is complicated by the fact that he makes 99% of the money that supports our family.

It has taken me nearly 10 years to come to terms with the financial aspect of our family’s organization. There is still a small part of me that feels I have less of a right to make decisions because I am not earning the money.

I know I am not alone in this, by far. I think all stay-at-home parents grapple with this conundrum. How can we move from the capitalist view so ingrained in us that ‘money makes the world go round’ when we know in our hearts that the contribution we are making is actually invaluable?

I’m a heart-on-her-sleeve, go with your gut, have all the feels kind of girl. I know I can’t really quantify what I do as a mom because my impact is beyond calculation. But sometimes I need to get analytical to prove a point. For my own edification, I wanted to see what my contributions are worth in financial terms. So I did the math.

Let’s pretend that one day, POOF, I was gone and someone else had to step in and take care of the tasks I perform for our family. Forget about the emotional and developmental aspect of things. I have already established that those things are priceless, as they are from every parent, regardless of the way their family operates.

What price can we place just on the stuff that could be outsourced?

Nerdy Spreadsheet by the Author

$67,520.00 Honestly, I kind of expected it to be higher. But nonetheless, there it is, in all of its analytical glory. If one day, I pull a “run to get some cigarettes and never come back” trick, this is what it will cost my family to replace my daily labor.

I don’t smoke and I know I’m irreplaceable. I know. I know. But sometimes you have to go through the exercise to make a point. Sometimes you have to run the numbers to validate your value. Sometimes you just need to see what your work would command on the open market to show yourself that what you do matters. Not just emotionally. Not just developmentally. But financially, too.

To all the stay-at-home moms out there, your contributions are valuable and whether or not you collect a paycheck, you are WORKING. Don’t ever let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

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Oh, hi! I’m Kristen and I’m new here. You can read me at Kristen Sears Cudd

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This post was previously published on A Parent Is Born.

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