What drives someone to the secret society of pickup or “Game”?
As a reformed pickup artist myself, and having coached mPUAs (“master pickup artists”) via my life coaching practice in London, I believe I am well-qualified to share the six stages that every pickup artist goes through.
Stage 1: Trauma
The journey of a pickup artist begins here. Many PUAs have suffered childhood trauma, which includes physical, emotional and sexual abuse from parents and caregivers. They may also have experienced severe bullying at school which cripples their self-esteem and image. As a result, they develop a shame-based core.
Stage 2: Love Addiction
As a result of the trauma endured, many PUAs then develop Love Addiction. Believing that the love of a woman will heal their wounds, they become obsessed with one (or multiple) women. This phase of their life is often very painful as it results in many unrequited loves and heartbreak.
Stage 3: Resentment
With their heart smashed to pieces by unavailable women, many PUAs begin to develop a subtle (or not so subtle!) rage towards women and believe that they are the problem. PUAs may also resent themselves and think they’re unattractive to women. They may also develop a belief that women only date assholes and “players”.
Stage 4: Sex Addiction
Having discovered The Game by Neil Strauss, and the secret society of pickup, many PUAs develop a single-minded focus: getting laid. At this point, their lives become consumed by the pursuit of sex—with many devoting a large part of their life to scouring nightclubs, bars or the streets, for their next fix. Some even quit their day job and go on “Euro Jaunts”, a pilgrimage into Eastern Europe to look for sex full-time. For many PUAs, this is considered the holy grail.
Stage 5: Despair and Emptiness
At this point, PUAs have reached a crisis point in their lives. This could be in the form of depression and suicidal thoughts. For some, it could be an unwanted child or a sexually-transmitted disease. There may also be an excessive and extreme usage of pornography or even prostitutes at this stage. The shame-based core in Stage 1 may become reactivated which exacerbates their sex addiction. Despite getting laid, they are aware of a deep underlying unworthiness, sadness, and loneliness; no amount of sex will fix this. They also may find that Game and pickup techniques are only attracting equally damaged women into their lives, who are either love addicts or love avoidants.
Stage 6: Transcendence
Not every PUA will make it this far. But those who do, end up living far richer, more balanced and fulfilling lives. At this stage, the PUA is no longer a PUA but is a mature and healthy man. They may enter into trauma therapy and/or 12-Step Recovery Programmes and begin deep healing work. They finally see the insanity of their past ways. They develop healthy relationships with themselves and women. At this stage, the PUA has transcended game and pickup. Rather than pretending to be someone they’re not, they become a more authentic and wholesome person. They no longer feel the need to win women over or to use Game. They are content with or without a woman in their lives. For them, a relationship would merely be a +1 to an already good life.
Conclusion The making of a pickup artist comes from a place of deep-rooted pain and suffering. The issue is that Game is inherently flawed because it sets the wrong frame of needing to somehow “win” a woman over through manipulation and psychological tactics; it sets the frame of needing to win their approval. Thus, getting laid seems like an achievement, rather than as an expression of love and connection.
Which stage are you at right now? Feel free to comment below.
This post was originally published on Reddit and is republished here with the author’s permission.
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