How the Oprah Mindset Will Take Your Relationship to the Next Level

Mediocre relationships can destroy your life.

Imagine spending the rest of your life with a partner who is only okay. You settled for someone you like but don’t love. You’re good friends, but there’s no chemistry. It’s not terrible, but not great.

Think of how much you give up to have this mediocre relationship. When you settle, you give up on finding the one.

You deserve more than that.

You deserve an extraordinary relationship, a partnership for life, someone who makes your heart race faster and puts a silly smile on your face. You deserve the happiness a relationship can give you.

You don’t have to figure it out yourself; you can learn from a master.

When you learn from a master, you avoid mistakes and grow faster. You don’t have time to waste; every second with the wrong person is one less second with the right person.

Oprah will never let you settle. She has the wisdom to guide your relationship to the next level.

1. You have zero control.

The biggest lie of love is that you can control it. You learn strategies on how to conquer your crush, watch his phone to see if he cheats, and plan every text you send to sound mysterious.

But this control is only a fantasy. You may control yourself, but you can’t control others.

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.” — Oprah

You will never control your partner (no matter how much you want to).

If your partner wants to cheat on you, they will. You can follow them around, check their phone, and become paranoid. It won’t stop them. The opposite is also true: a loyal partner won’t cheat, even if you don’t check on them.

Your need for control comes from a place of insecurity.

You want to control them because you don’t trust they have good intentions. But you also don’t trust that you’re strong enough to deal with the consequences.

There’s no good outcome from controlling others.

Love is not control; it’s freedom. So free your partner and yourself. Don’t chase butterflies; work on your garden and let them come to you.

2. Respect your individuality.

Have you ever heard that love happens when two halves meet? You have to meet your other half to be complete? Well, that’s bullsh*t.

Love isn’t about two halves; it’s two complete individuals.

“I was once afraid of people saying, ‘Who does she think she is?’ Now I have the courage to stand and say, ‘This is who I am.’” — Oprah

You can never let a relationship define you. Even when you’re in a relationship, you should still make room for your individuality. You should still meet your friends, have private hobbies, and spend time alone.

You can’t lose yourself in a relationship.

The opposite is also true: You have to let your partner be independent.

Don’t be the annoying girlfriend who never lets your boyfriend game with his friends. Even when you need more attention, respect your partner’s individual needs.

You’re not selfish for having private goals. You’re different people with different personalities, hobbies, and preferences. And you fell in love with your partner for who they are, so don’t change them.

Great couples don’t depend on each other; they make the other stronger.

3. Become a master in solving problems.

Even the greatest couples will face problems. Each person comes from a different background and has different opinions. What makes these couples great is not to avoid conflict; it’s how to solve it.

“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.” — Oprah

You have limited resources of time and energy. When you spend these resources on one thing, you can’t spend them on another. So when you face problems, you can either dwell on the past or create solutions.

Great couples don’t dwell on the past; they focus on the future.

They forgive because they know it’s the best chance for the future. They can’t change what happened, but they can change what will happen.

Whether you forgive or not, you have to solve problems.

Here are a few strategies:

Learn what you expect. Most problems happen because people act in automatic mode and don’t know what they want.
Listen to your partner. When you argue, it’s difficult to hear a new perspective. But you’re not always right (you’re not a superhero). So learn how to listen to another perspective, even when it hurts you.
Forgive with your heart. Forgiveness is a brave choice. But you have to do it genuinely. You can’t give them another chance and still hold it against them (that’s a recipe for disaster).

4. Appreciate minor details.

Romantic movies made you believe love is candlelight dinners, poems, and grand gestures. Real-life love is nothing like that.

True love is surprisingly boring.

“My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.” — Oprah

Love isn’t a romantic gesture; it’s your routine.

Imagine if your relationship was like a romantic drama. You’d have to fight enemies, argue with your partner, and come up with grand gestures almost daily. Only thinking about it makes me exhausted.

Great couples become great because they appreciate minor details.

Love happens when you get home from work and prepare a meal together. It happens in a goodnight kiss. And it happens when you send a random text during a stressful day.

Love is boring because it becomes your routine.

You’ll spend most of your life with your partner: Every weekend, holiday, night, and vacation. So don’t choose a dramatic person (although it’s romantic). Choose a person you enjoy spending time with.

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Oprah didn’t become Oprah by accident. During the years, she accumulated a great deal of wisdom. She used this wisdom to help people find a better version of themselves.

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. You can learn from the master.

These principles will help you build a solid relationship. When you follow them, you’ll save time, energy, and money, because you’ll look for the right person.

Love is no accident. So follow these rules to find a great love (or take your current love to the next level).

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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