Perception determines response. You respond to frowns differently than smiles, unless the smile seems disingenuous.
The way you’re perceived governs how people respond to you. This wouldn’t matter if leadership was done in isolation.
Self-perception often collides with the perception of others. You imagine yourself warm and fuzzy. You occur to others as stressed and manipulative.
Collisions of impact with intent:
My wife used to tell me I sounded harsh. My response, “I don’t have animosity in my heart.” Both of us were right.
The gap between impact and intent causes poor performance, personal frustration, self-pity, and discouragement. You feel frustrated others don’t ‘get’ you, or you feel sorry for yourself because you’re underappreciated.
Successful leaders work to align the impact of behaviors with intentions in the heart.
Perception:
I argued with my wife when she told me I was harsh. Now I see arguing about being harsh supported her observation that I seemed harsh
The real you is less obvious than you think.
Tip: Those who argue with feedback like I did struggle to see themselves through the lens of others.
Principles:
- You must see yourself as you occur to others to effectively develop your leadership.
- Authenticity includes aligning behavior with heart.
- Lousy leaders ignore the perceptions of others.
- Feedback enables you to align impact with intention.
Seek feedback:
Invite a trusted colleague into your private reflections. Let them hear what you say about yourself to yourself. Explore how self-perceptions are disconnected from the way you occur to others.
7 things to say to seek feedback on other’s perceptions:
- I’m proud of myself when I ______.
- I’m disappointed in myself when I ______.
- I’m really good at ______.
- I’m most helpful to others when I ______.
- I believe others think I’m ______.
- I want to be known as ______.
- Others believe I’m really good at ______.
In what ways have you seen the disconnection between intent and impact?
How might leaders better understand how they occur to others?
Previously Published on leadershipfreak.blog with Creative Commons License
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Half-Done Compassion
I often read poetry at night. I think I feel things better when the day is done.
Robert Frost:
The Road Not Taken and Other Poems: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition), Robert Frost.
This collection has many poems I enjoy over and over like a child on a teeter totter. I think it’s because I’m delighted with anyone who writes feelings with words.
From Mending Wall:
He only says, “Good fences make good neighbors.”
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
“Why do they make good neighbors?”
Comment: The quote, “Good fences make good neighbors,” is usually misinterpreted. Frost saw no useful purpose for the fence between his neighbor and himself. The poem reflects frustration that he tried and failed to get through to his closed-minded neighbor.
Application: Barriers limit influence and require authoritarian leadership.
Practice: Show interest in people today. Realize relationships enable results.
From The Exposed Nest:
This poem describes a child finding an exposed bird’s nest on the ground after a field of hay was mown. A child and an adult prop some hay around the nest to create shade for the babies. Here’s the ending.
You had begun, and gave them back their shade.
All this to prove we cared. Why is there then
No more to tell? We turned to other things.
I haven’t any memory – have you? –
Of ever coming to the place again
To see if the birds lived the first night through.
And so at last to learn to use their wings.
Comment: “We turned to other things.” I’m challenged to rise above half-done compassion.
Practice: It’s one thing to show compassion in the moment. The real challenge is to follow-up a few days later by asking, “How did that turn out?”
How has receiving compassion changed you?
How might you express whole-hearted compassion today?
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Previously Published on leadershipfreak.blog with Creative Commons License
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