We’ve all been there, you’re ready to bang your head against the wall but love the person you’re with more than anything. Your partner is angry with jealousy but you haven’t done anything they are accusing you of. Learning how to communicate with a jealous partner may be a positive step in the right direction.
Many of us have also been on the flip side and suffered from a jealous moment, or a few insecurities ourselves.
Jealousy comes in many different packages, and of many different shapes and sizes. Although evidence shows jealousy can be a sign of control or perhaps even a red flag for a toxic relationship, it isn’t always the case.
If we feel the relationship is predominantly strong with mutual respect, then it may be something worth understanding.
Insecurities
In her Psychology Today article, Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. sheds light on the insecurities of a person who suffers from jealousy. Dr. Seidman explains that their behaviour stems from their own insecurities and does not reflect their feelings towards their partner. She suggests working on yourself and your own self-confidence and building the relationship from that angle. This in turn will provide you with more ability to help work with your loved one.
Past relationships
This can be a tremendously difficult hurdle to overcome. Many years ago I was in a relationship with a serial cheater and I had no idea. Following that period of my life, I became a bartender and often witnessed a slightly darker perspective of people. As a result of this, I became quite insecure in any and all relationships until I met my then-husband who never cheated through 12 years of marriage.
His reassurance helped me. I now realize that not everyone is a cheater.
Childhood trauma
Dr. Helen Fisher, Ph.D. explains that jealousy is often a result of a scarred childhood or a psychological disorder. However, she also suggests talking to your partner and help your partner through jealousy. From the angle of the jealous person… she states that snooping and obsessive behaviour is demeaning to themselves. As the recipient, try to simply reassure your partner that you love them, that you’re not there to cause them to hurt. Try to avoid triggering them as well with flirtatious behaviour towards others.
Anxiety disorder
Anxiety can be a huge contributing factor to jealousy. If you suspect your partner may suffer from anxiety it’s best to discuss this, take it seriously and consider reaching out for help. You would be surprised at how much conquering anxiety could help a relationship.
Perhaps suggest taking a meditation or yoga class together. This can mutually bond your relationship and bring peace to your partner.
Feeling Threatened
Often times the knee-jerk reaction to feeling threatened is jealousy. Perhaps there’s a new colleague that has entered your life, maybe this has occurred during a particularly difficult time in the relationship. Reassurance will go a long way.
We can see a partner or loved one feel threatened, or jealous from two different lenses. One from an offended perspective, or one from that of an empathetic perspective.
If your relationship can overcome this hurdle, then it may bring your closer together.
Sometimes it’s worth it!
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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