How to Find Your Dad Community

It’s not uncommon to see groups of parents at the park talking or pushing strollers. It’s not uncommon to head to the library on a Tuesday and see toddlers trying their best to sit still during story time. And unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to see the solitary dad just on the outskirts of a lot of these groups.

He smiles if you make eye contact with him. He looks just like many of the moms at play places. He’s a bit tired, and chances are there is going to be a spit up stain on his jeans. He’s the quiet guy, which is doing him no favors when trying to have any adult interaction. Believe me, he wants it he just doesn’t know about how to get it.

Over the last several weeks, I’ve been answering the same question over and. It usually starts with a dad who is having difficulty making friends. He feels lonely and cut off from the parenting world. And it’s the same online. Parenting sites aren’t written for him so he can’t even see himself in the articles. So, I do my best to connect with that dad. I reach out and give him advice. I invite him to groups. I show him the best places to go. I treat him as a normal guy, and not a lurker and a threat at the park. I’ve known too many dads that have confrontations and have been asked “why are you here!”

And tomorrow, someone will reach out to me again asking how does a dad make friends? How do you find your community?

Building your dad community.

Let’s answer it again as best I can on the hope that a father will find this article.

There are over 2 million stay-at-home dads in America. And believe it or not, there are dads’ groups all around. They are not just for stay-at-home dads, though. Dads don’t care. We understand that there are more and more fathers that want that connection. And there a ton more involved fathers that work irregular schedules, are the primary caregiver, or love being around their kids as much as possible.

As Matt Schneider of City Dads Groups once put it to me, dads want and need that mentorship. The problem that I run into is that it’s just not well known enough yet. So, let’s answer the question again. If you want to find a dad’s group, visit CityDadsGroups.com. They support 41 different dads’ groups across the country. Not only that, they will help you start one. There are guys that want something like this and have no idea how to find it. This is where you start.

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I answered a question from a dad two days ago who was in Seattle. How do I find people? I gave him the link to the established Pugent Sound Dads. I’ve never seen a guy so happy. Sometimes it really is that simple.

But I also understand that dad’s groups aren’t as common as mom’s groups yet. It’s either too rural or the established group hasn’t started yet. My next piece of advice is to reach out to the guys at Athomedad.org. They run several online groups and have zoom meetings each week. They are a wonderful organization that also runs HomeDadCon every year.

Over the last 6 months, I’ve written these same sentences for what seems a hundred times. So much so that I’m beginning to think I should start getting kickbacks on membership to these organizations. And if I did, I would just donate it back because I believe in what they do.

Support makes the difference

People like to hear the funny adventures my dad’s group and I have been through. I tell them about my potty-training daughter flashing Mormon missionaries. Or the time I took a bunch of toddlers to a haunted psychiatric museum. Once I got my mini-van got stuck in pasture run off, which is apparently a code word for bull crap from a herd of cows. One of my dads came and bailed me out.

They like these stories because it shows the wackiness of being a dad. Its humor based and everyone has a laugh. But I think they also need to hear the stories about how my dad’s group still meets once a week and we talk about all the issues going on with teenagers. Dating scenarios, driving, or school. Those deeper talks that don’t have a snappy twist at the end of a dad saving the day.

Dads hear the story of the big ball of twine and think that is what they want. What I want for them is someone they can go to and ask the really tough questions like what do I do if my kid hits someone? My spouse is going through post-partum depression. How can I help them?

Those are the stories that I want for the dads that I talk to now. They don’t know they need it, but they do. Every time I see that dad alone at the playground, I know that it’s those connections that truly make a difference. It’s why I wrote my book to begin with. And every time a dad reaches out to me to say that he read The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad Manual, I know that there is at least one more dad that feels accepted.

Hopefully, this article will find the next playground dad that is out there and asking himself “How do I find friends as a dad?”