“What the hell is she talking about?”
Relax. No puppies are being harmed. The world needs all the cuteness it can get.
The puppy is a metaphor. It’s that weak, pathetic version of you that appears the second you start liking someone.
The strong, interesting, independent person you usually are?
Poof. Gone.
The moment your idealized Mister Right walks in, you turn into a happy little pup, jumping around, waiting to be petted. Crying when they leave, wagging your tail at the door when they come back.
Yeah. Not a good look.
But don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve all been there.
You desperately want them to see the real you. The one who closes complex deals with ease, crushes every workout, owns her property, and excels in many aspects of life.
But that version of you somehow ceases to exist whenever ‘he’ comes around.
What’s happening here?
Why does this one person make your knees weak and turn your personality into a spineless, people-pleasing blob?
Why The Puppy Appears
It starts with something simple but dangerous:
Attraction.
Like an electric current, your whole body becomes charged, lighting up your desires and insecurities all at once. You begin to crave their approval, their attention, their affection.
And that’s when the puppy appears.
All of a sudden, you find yourself on your best behavior — a constructed perfect version of yourself, hoping they’ll notice the parts of you you think are worthy.
It happens in an instant. One minute, you’re strong, independent, and self-assured. And the next? She’s gone.
Now, you’re eager to impress, strutting around like a pup in a dog pageant: back arched, hips swaying, showing off your best strut.
The truth is, you’re already enough. And you know it. You look in the mirror, and you’re proud of the person you have become.
You know it’s not you, and it’s not your worthiness that is up for discussion.
The problem is that you started molding yourself into someone else to get validation. You overcompensate. You chase. You forget the person you were before they arrived.
Why? Because reality isn’t lining up with how it should be.
There’s a disconnect between your value and the way you’re being treated.
This person, whether intentionally or not, is tapping into that imbalance. The lack of recognition (that you know you deserve!) creates a maddening contradiction.
Their indifference turns into a puzzle your ego is dying to solve, pulling you into the relentless pursuit of proving your worth.
This whole thing isn’t even about them. It’s about you basing your worth on someone else’s approval, especially with those who don’t give it.
It isn’t about this guy. It’s a deeper pattern.
And if you keep basing your worth on external validation, you’ll keep finding yourself in this position.
Even when you “win” their attention, it rarely satisfies you. Because deep down, you’re not looking for them; you’re looking for the feeling of being enough. And your ego has tricked you into believing that their approval is the answer.
Not anymore, though. You are done with that.
No more waiting for a pat on the head as you jump through hoops or do a neat little trick. It’s time for things to change, once and for all.
The Shift
Excitement, joy, and love are a beautiful part of life, and I wouldn’t want you to lose that side of you.
So the good news is, you don’t need to kill the puppy. You just need to learn how to walk her on a leash.
Yes. Let her feel. Yes. Dress up for the date. Put on your fanciest dress or buy the overpriced new shoes.
But don’t make your life about him just yet. Don’t let the puppy run free and go overboard. You stay in charge.
When he shows up, remember who you were before he walked in.
If someone’s presence makes you forget that, they’re usually not worth it.
And when that happens, the key thing to do is get back to yourself.
Pause. Don’t chase. Choose!
Being valued should never be up for negotiation. Not with him. Not with anyone. And (unfortunately) you can’t force someone to see you in the way you want.
So stay grounded in your power, even when your heart skips a beat. That’s how you’ll learn to love without losing yourself.
You don’t need to be chosen by him or anyone.
What you need is to remember yourself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Joe Caione on Unsplash
